Do You Know Who You Are And What You Need? Whoopi Goldberg’s Thoughts on Relationships

I just finished reading Whoopi Goldberg’s book “I Someone Says ‘You Complete Me’, Run!”, which made me nod in astonishment as I read it. Not because Whoopi has opened some new horizons for me, but because I had the feeling I wrote the book myself. The famous actress writes about her observations of relationships, which she made quite a few since she started to host the TV show “The View”. Whoopi kept being surprised by the fact that, even though she’s a woman herself, she isn’t thinking the way other women seem to (that’s when I knew she and I are soulmates). This is the book you want to read if you feel you’re ready for a relationship.

First of all, Whoopi asks (and this is a question the book repeats many times): do you know who you are? Have you gotten to know yourselves and do you know what you really want? Do you know what is it that you expect from another person? Do you know what are you capable of giving? If you are uncertain of the answers, then the answer is probably: “No”. So now: do you have the guts to remain single for a while in order to get to know who you are? Do you have the guts to face yourselves? Not many people do, and I don’t get it. I think it’s way better to define your needs prior to entering a relationship than to discover them as we go along. I keep wondering: if you don’t know yourself, how do you plan to enter another person’s world and build a relationship with them? How do you plan to build the foundations of a relationship, since your own foundations are not fully formed? You will simply start living your partner’s life? I don’t really get it.

Whoopi keeps stressing the fact that a relationship requires a lot of work and asks if you are ready to do it? You often reply “yes”, forgetting that love is not really like all those songs you know or movies you watch (unless you have just watched “Force Majeure”). People have a tendency to mistake love for everything that it really isn’t, such as the need for another person’s closeness. The most important thing is to be honest with yourselves and not ignore that knot in your stomach that tells you something just isn’t right. You cannot ignore all the red flags waving right in front of your eyes. Remember: you will be treated exactly the way the signal you send out tells other person to treat you.

The actress says basically this: a romantic relationship can bring a lot into your life, but you have to treat it as a cherry on top of a cake, and not as a cake. Instead of wondering “if he completes me”, you better think if you complete yourselves? By the way: do you even remember that you have a relationship with yourself to take care of?