Singular Wisdom

I never did this before, but a piece in Time Out New York amused me so much, I decided to copy it here and allow you to enjoy it, too. What follows is a bunch of sentences by NYC singles and I believe every one of them to be true.

„I braved a snowstorm at 1am to get AA batteries from the bodega for my vibrator”.

“I pretty frequently sit in bed and cry tears of happiness onto grilled cheese sandwiches as I watch couples fall in love on Korean dramas.”

“When you live by yourself, no one gets annoyed if you decided you need to hear a Bruce Springsteen song 12 times on repeat. Bruce has seen me through a lot”.

“I use the other half of my queen-size bed as an extension of my desk. Near the foot of the bed, I keep bills; middle, my computer; and the top is for my tissue box”.

“I sometimes feel so jealous of my cat’s sexual relationship with the fleece blanket, I hide it from him. If I’m not getting any, neither should he”.

“After my ex claimed all the S&M gear, I learned self-bondage with ribbons and thrift store belts.”

“I spend 10 minutes removing Friday’s eyeliner before I can put on Saturday night’s.”

 “I’ve memorized my roommates schedules so that I can find time to masturbate on the living-room couch uninterrupted”.

“Not having anyone really frees up a lot of time for drinking red wine while googling old high-school crushes”.

“The only food I keep in my fridge is a pack of hot dogs, a loaf of white bread and yellow mustard.”

“I clip my toenails in bed, because I only like clipping them when I’m comfortably watching something on my computer”.