Ghosting? I Say, Fuck That
Have you heard about ghosting…? No, it’s not a new sexual technique. I read about it a while ago, and then again a few days ago, and have a feeling that I keep hearing about it all the time recently. Even a few of my girlfriends asked me recently – Daga, what is it, we go on a date or a few, it’s fun, we both have a good time, he texts me the day after or even on the same day and… that’s it. Then he disappears. Why? They keep asking me why and I have no clue. The only answer that comes to my mind is: he’s not looking for a relationship now. He wants to have fun and take advantage of the variety of girls within his reach in NY (I mentioned it on Just Like NY already). This is my answer, but is it the real reason? I have no idea. Probably the reasons are different for different guys (or maybe not?).
Why guys do it is actually not that important, at least it’s not for me. If you think that I’ll be spending hours thinking “what went wrong and how can I get you back?”, you must be out of your fucking mind. I might spend a few days reflecting on it (I’m a human being, after all), but don’t you dare think I’ll be crying and wondering “what’s wrong with me”. And this is the problem because as I said, I don’t care why they do it. What I do care about is what we, women, think of ourselves after something like that happens to us. Some of you try to “find out the truth” (what for?), some of you cry (stupid idea and a complete waste of time) and unfortunately, most of you will start thinking that there is something wrong with you. You have to understand – THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You and the guy you met had just different needs. And that’s it.
Will it help if you start beating yourself up now and blame yourself? Nope. Even if you did something, or act in a way he didn’t like, he should have just sat down with you and talk to you. If he didn’t do it, it’s not worth giving it more than a few days (or maybe hours?) of your time. What bothers me is that we think we are somehow to blame. What the fuck? Where this idea came from? You have the right to feel sad for a while (been there, done that), but then just move on. I know it’s depressing (it’s actually really infuriating) – you meet a guy and you hope that “maybe this time” and it’s not, again (oh, I went through that many times). But what can you do? You’ll be depressed for a few weeks or months because of a dude who didn’t even bother to text, to call you or to explain to you what was wrong? Really…? It’s 2017, girl, we don’t do things like that anymore. You are better, stronger and prettier than that. He didn’t want you? Fuck him. Look in the mirror, smile to yourself and say yourself you’re amazing anyway. Remember that there is a guy out there who wants you exactly the way you are (I REALLY do believe that).
In the article I read a few days ago a psychologist explains that ghosting actually… makes us stronger. It might sound stupid, but the more often guys do it to us, the stronger we become. I believe that I’m an example of that. It happened to me a few times within the last few years and I noticed the more it happens, the least I care. It used to take me months to recover, then it was a few weeks, now it’s a week. And it doesn’t mean I’m a bitch. Sorry guys, this is on you – this is whom you made me.