What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman?
One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things that make a man into a gentleman: 1. Opening the door for you; 2.Saving the last bite for you; 3. Spending time with your family; 4. Suffering through a girly movie; 5. Sending flowers; 6. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk; 7. Kissing you on the forehead; 8. Filling up your gas tank; 9. Putting your jacket on.
That’s all amazing. I value these features (but we could easily skip No. 4 since I would be suffering through a girly movie too, and No. 6 since I wouldn’t even notice that), but there are things I value more. I love gentlemen; I like it when a man is trying to be a knight on a white horse (btw, my friends went to an Indian wedding recently and a groom was riding on an actual white horse) and I do melt when a guy opens door for me (not to mention kissing my forehead…oh), but what I care more about than these gestures are how he treats me on a regular basis.
I pay attention to how he speaks to me if he listens if he treats me like his partner if he sees who I am. Does he want to spend time with me or just finds a time when he wants to have sex? Does he value my opinion? Does he give me the same attention I give him? What does he do when he comes home? If he just sits in front of the TV and watches some stupid things waiting for me to cook for him? (I can’t even imagine that!). Does he put an extra effort to spend time with me or to organize something that we both can enjoy? Does he treat me with respect?
And most importantly – what does he do when I have a problem? I’m not talking about PMS problems (I can’t handle them myself, so I don’t even expect him to know what to do); I’m talking about an emergency situation that didn’t go the way we expected it go. Where is his chivalry then…? Is he still kissing me on the forehead? I mean, saving the last bite for me is great, but if he can’t handle an emergency situation without putting me down at the same time, he is not a true gentleman.
A true gentleman is a guy who would always make you feel like a real woman. What does it mean…? A oman needs to feel appreciated, respected and… safe. We need to know that the guy is there for us. That even when we don’t look our best (and we often feel like we don’t), when we fuck something up, he will give us the support we need, without judgment, without yelling at us or showing us “who is the man” (a sure sign of lacking self confidence level hard). We don’t need that. I don’t care if you did send me flowers or helped me put on my jacket yesterday – that is, not if you’re an asshole to me today.
Life is like an ocean that I love and I need someone who will become a harbor – not a storm that causes the waves. We have enough of them every day, with our job, our dreams or goals. The gentleman we need is a guy who doesn’t need to prove his value and his worth all the time. Guys, just do what you have to do – as long as we know that we can always count on you.