Beware! We choose a partner on the same level of consciousness we are on right now.
I recently heard something that made me think for a week – we choose a partner on the same level of vibration we are on.
It doesn’t matter if you believe in energy, vibration, and spiritual stuff – hear me out.
I will put it very bluntly – you attract who you are at this very moment. Not who you aspire to be, and not who you used to be – but someone who is the way you are right now. I will be even more direct – if you’re a mess, you will attract a mess; if you’re not confident, you won’t attract a confident person. If you are „in transition,” you will attract someone who is in transition too; when you’re in doubt, your new partner will be in doubt too. If you feel like a rockstar, you will attract a person who has the same level of spark. When you are happy and satisfied, you attract happy and satisfied people.
Your vibration brings you similar vibration, that’s how this world works. You can’t attract someone who you want to be; because you are not that person yet.
It doesn’t mean you guys will be dealing with the same issues., but I am positive that there will be an essential part of you that will match.
Why it’s so important to acknowledge that? For two reasons.
First, the person you decided to be with gives you a hint where you are today. This person you started dating is your mirror. Instead of asking yourself: „Why he/she is like that?” ask yourself: „Why I am like that?” If you are not sure whom you’ve become, look at this person that sleeps next to you. And I can’t always promise you a pleasant view. If you think that something is wrong with your partner and you ask them to „work on something,” write it down, because you just gave yourself a hint. As I said – it’s probably not the same problem, but your mindsets match. Before you start pointing out at your partner, admit that you have things to work on too.
Second, to be aware of the changes. Once you notice your patterns, and you (hopefully) start working on them and yourself, you can simultaneously be mindful of where are you comparing to your partner. Here is the sad truth – once you start growing and your partner doesn’t – your paths will fall apart because your vibration won’t match anymore. And if they don’t even out, you have to move on. That’s why there are so many breakups – if you don’t evolve together, one of you sooner or later will set themselves free.
You can sit and think what went wrong, but the most common reason is just that your levels of consciousness changed.
My friend says it’s difficult to know if you’re a mess or not. And I think it’s not true if you are self-aware. Look at yourself carefully and track your patterns. Who do you fall for? What your relationships have looked like so far? What do you do when someone gives you some attention? When I came back from Tony Robbins workshops four years ago, I took time only for myself, away from men, to figure out where I was and who I was. I knew that I have work to do, and I knew that some of my things weren’t on the right level. I intuitively felt that I should separate myself because I couldn’t give anything good to a guy. If you’re not so sure who you are, please do me a favor and stay single until you know. Change your mindset first, because as for today, you invite wrong people into your life.
Figure out who you are first, get the confidence you need, stop looking for validation from others. Be in charge of your life and take ownership of who you want to become.
And when you finally know, ask yourself what your non-negotiables are. Find out what you can and can’t agree on. Our stories vary, we’ve been through different experiences, and now we expect different things. Be honest with yourself – what kind of partner do you want? You have to know it before you decide to be with someone. I’m not talking about all the details of that person, but about the basics. Don’t fall for a person who gives you only some validation. Fall for someone who has similar values and invests in you as Matthew Hussey whose relationship advice I love, says – establish higher standards for yourself. He gave that brilliant example recently – when someone says to you, „It’s a beautiful house,” don’t say: „Here is the key.” Give the same thing that you get.
But what I would strongly suggest to figure out first is what’s in your heart first.