Six years in New York
When yet another year passes by, I write about what NY taught me about myself this time.
After the last year, it was my fifth one I wrote that I finally belong to myself. Getting to that point with myself was huge for me. When that year finished my healing process began.
And my sixth year was all about healing.
What does a healing process mean? In January 2016, I discovered what my false beliefs about myself were, and I started working on them. I’ve put a lot of work in rewriting my story about myself. And that took me over two years. After you put the work and understand who are you now, and what you’re supposed to be doing, you have to heal to begin a new chapter in your life.
It goes differently for everyone, but in my case, it was spending a lot of time with just myself. And that also means no TV and no internet at my apartment. I wrote about it already. I isolated myself a bit, but it was necessary for me to process things. You can’t go through your transformation process and your healing process by being regularly surrounded by people, (social) media or movies. It’s impossible. Healing requires looking deep (verrryyyy deep) inside you, and the only way to do it is to face yourself, in silence (ideally in nature).
Did you notice that some people are not able to sit in silence, that they always have to get some noise; they have their brain going, over and over again? That’s the perfect way to make your mind go wild and to drug your feelings. But if you want to improve, if you’re going to change something in your life, you can’t numb yourself. That’s the problem, that’s why so many people don’t even start this work and those changes.
The healing is about forgiving yourself a lot of things you’ve done that you’re not proud of; is about understanding what is that you want, and being able to say “No” to people, relationships and situations that don’t serve you anymore. And – most importantly – is giving yourself a lot of love. You have to shower yourself with love and understanding that you are good the way you are, and that you deserve to be loved. There are a lot of tears involved, and a lot of boundaries to put up. Some people have to go, some relationships have to change, you have to change too. Nothing in this process is easy, but you need to go through it by yourself, to understand whom you’re becoming.
After six months of that, I felt all-powerful, but it took me another six months to embrace the person I’ve become. And today I feel in charge of myself and my self-worth. I became a new person whose worth is not determined by anyone or anything. I decide what’s my worth and am prepared to fight for it. My mindset shifted, and I couldn’t be happier and prouder of myself, because it changed the quality of my life.
That’s why my most significant dream now is to help people to get to that state. And I’m sure that this is what I’ll be doing till my last days.
