Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into

It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’t judge someone by the chapter in which you walked into their life. 

Don’t believe everything you see. Don’t believe every post you see on social media. I recently realized that half of the things I see are just fake. There is a lot of pretending and hiding out there. And sometimes it’s not even those people’s faults – they’re just not aware that they do it or have no idea how not to do it. 

So, don’t be so quick to judge. You never know what’s going on in other people’s lives. I assure you – you have NO CLUE. I noticed that I can’t even tell with my closest friends. And it’s not because they’re lying to me – things are just complicated, life is complicated and sometimes we, ourselves, just can’t make sense of it. So let’s not expect that others will, either. 

What I want to ask you for is – be kinder to others. I know, sometimes you want to yell back at them, say something to hurt them (since they hurt you), but just take a deep breath and be more understanding. They yelled at you because they don’t like themselves; their parents are going through a crisis; they just lost their job; they’re in love with someone who doesn’t show any interest in them; they’re lonely; they’re abused; they’re hurt by their family or their partner; they just found out they’re sick. You just don’t know. 

We look at someone’s lives and have opinions right away. Let’s look at me, for example, I don’t know what you think of me, whatever that is that you think of my single life remember: just because someone is single, childless and lives in NYC (the holy grail of cities) doesn’t make it a fairy tale. The situation is that I don’t have a job now, the place I was working at shut down (they gave me no warning and three days notice) just before Christmas. It was a coffee shop that I liked, but it wasn’t the job of my dreams (but it was a job nonetheless). I was offered something instead (poor deal) and my former customer offered me a job at his friend’s place (also a coffee shop), but I said no. It’s time to leave my comfort zone and do things I’m supposed to do. Will I succeed? I have no idea. All I have is faith in myself and supportive friends. I just strongly believe that that’s my path and that’s the reason I came into this world. And the peace inside of me that I’ve never felt before is my only confirmation. And I would be lying if I said that I’m not happy; I can even say – in all honesty – that I’ve never been happier in my life, but it doesn’t mean my life is easy and breezy. And I’m writing it not to complain or to ask you to understand me. I wrote already in my previous posts: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” And I’m saying it in the most respectful way (read that post before you judge me).

But this post is not about me. It’s about you. Before you develop, or – what’s worst – express an opinion about someone’s life, just take a moment, stop and ask. And give this person a gentle card. I’ve learned in the past year that people are going through things we can’t even imagine. Everyone has their own journey and you should respect that. You don’t have to understand it, and most likely, you even won’t. All you can do – and I hope you’ll do it – is to respect that. And treat others the way you want to be treated.