Step 70 – Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was most important was that we’re talking all the time. We got to the point in our friendship where we’re brutally honest with each other and it’s comforting to talk to someone and to be fully yourself – with all your fears and struggles (I’m lucky to have a few people like that around me). We didn’t do anything fancy – a lot of walking with hot tea, a museum, a bar, Christmas lights, but we’re excited like little kids all the time. And because the time together brought us so much happiness we both agreed on that life can be really simple and yet so pleasant and so amazing at the same time.
We both went a long way to get where we are now so we appreciate things more now. We both know that being happy is a choice. We still struggle with something, each of us has a different battle to fight, but we don’t let it determine our outlook on life. Just because we have one (or a few problems) it doesn’t mean that “life is bad” or “unfair” or “difficult”. It just means that you have to work on something. That’s all it means. It doesn’t immediately mean that life sucks. There will be always (ALWAYS!!!) something to worry about. Once you solve your money problem, you will get a relationship problem; once this one is fixed, you get health problem; when this one is gone, your family will need your help. No, it never stops. So now you have to decide. Yes, it’s up to you. How would you react? No, I didn’t get crazy. I’m asking you again – what’s your reaction? And before you say that you don’t know, because you never know how would you react, I will tell you something. You can decide where your mind goes and what would you focus on even now. You have two choices – put your whole attention to what’s just happened and let it take over your life. Or you can decide that it’s just an obstacle and all you need to do is to find a solution. But while you’re looking for it, you won’t forget that there are other things to live for and to be grateful for. From my experience – 85% of people I talk to focus on a problem. This is how they start their day, this is what they’re thinking during the day, this how they end it – just thinking about the problem (not always solving it). You can ruin your whole life with this approach. Yes, shit happens (to everyone) so be clever about it. And think where is the solution instead of letting this thing ruin your life.
I hear this whining “about problems” everywhere and got really tired of it. I deal with very privileged people and yet they complain about many things. And this is how I finally learned that money is not a problem solver. Neither is having a partner or the job you wanted. What really solves your problems is changing your attitude. And your priorities (that I wrote about recently). I’m always happy (except before my period) and it’s not because I’m blind – its quite the opposite – because my eyes are fully open. I can see just a bit further. Further than my problem. Whatever you’re going through in your life, believe me – it’s not the end of the world. And I would bet any amount of money in this world that there are thousands of people whose problems are bigger than yours. Does it mean your problem is not that important? If you asked me this question a year ago I would still say, “Yes, it is important, you have the right to feel bad about it.” But you know what? I grew up, and have heard too many stories. so now I would just say, “No, it’s not.” Sit down, make a plan and stop being so obsessed with yourself. Change what you can change in this very moment, which is your attitude. Just drop it.
