“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” – Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”.
The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friends”.
I don’t think I can fully sympathize with this point because since I’m single, I still hang out with my friends a lot. I don’t do it every week, but I do it often (plus we exchange messages all the time). I think that this titular scenario happens when you have your own family and you lose touch with most of your friends (at least my Mom says that this is the case).
Most people think that having a partner will cure everything for them: from overcoming your fears, healing your wounds, attaining your happiness and giving you entertainment. You get a partner and you forget about your friends because you „don’t need them” anymore (at least this is what you think). Their company is not that necessary anymore, not to mention the fact that now you go out almost exclusively with other couples (and suddenly you are incapable of going out only by yourself; it looks like you and your partner are joined at the hip – that’s the weirdest thing to me, btw). The thing you don’t understand is that you really need your friends, especially when you’re in a relationship. I believe that friendship is the most important set of relationships in your life because you choose your friends and they choose you based solely on the character, not visual traits. And it’s not about sexual tension, either. Sex is not involved, so it doesn’t mess up with your head. It’s pure love (sometimes hate), understanding, drinking, crying and travel time together. And most of the times – your friends know you better than your partner does.
I’m writing this, but at the same time, I myself am not in touch with many of my old friends. And it’s not that I don’t care, sometimes it’s just a matter of time (it’s physically impossible for me now to stay in touch with everyone). But sometimes it’s about something else, too.
I’ve written about friends on Just Like NY a few times already (even recently) and I do believe that you become the average of the five people you spend most of the time with. I recently also read to be careful about whom do you spend your time with, because this person changes you – not other way around. So I choose my friends differently now. Not based on “do we like the same movies”, but if we get the best out of each other. I choose those who inspire me and who also want me to do more.
I go for quality over quantity. Remember that you change (at least I hope you do) and some of your friends don’t – or else, they don’t want you to change. So you have to decide. And sometimes you just have to let them go (it’s very difficult, btw). As I said recently – give what you get. And then take care of the friends you’ve chosen. Don’t forget about those who give you love and support. You’ll need each other, so make sure they are on the top of your priority list.