Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own) because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come to this conclusion – I don’t think that marriage, in its traditional form, works for most people.
What do I mean by “traditional form?” A couple is dating, they decide to get married (with “a little pressure” coming from their families), they have a child (“because it’s time”, “the clock is ticking”), maybe buy a house or an apartment, and then maybe have the second child. And what happens after that? He usually starts working longer hours (to make money and all of that), she either stays at home with the kids or comes back to work (so now she has two jobs). They find time for each other once in a blue moon and usually just talk about the kids anyway. They get trapped in a routine. And they might continue living like that, slowly forgetting who they are, and/or start cheating on each other (because the life got boring). He has a lover, and she most likely does, too (women are cheaters, too). They might even fall in love with their lovers, and one of them (most likely him) might leave for the younger one. Then she gets pregnant and…it starts all over again.
It’s not the scenario for all couples, but I would go out on a limb and say that it is for at least half of them. And I don’t get it. I’m not married and I don’t have kids (and as of right now, it is not on my list). There are a few couples that I know that are happy, so I know being married can be a great thing. But most of the time, I barely see any excitement in the relationship, especially when a couple talks about each other (they’re more excited talking about the movie they saw yesterday than about their spouse). The flame that was between them is gone. There are couples that inspire each other or are excited about each other (I have met only a few, but I believe that there are more out there), but most of them (especially those with kids) are just tired and bored. And I have a feeling that they just want to quit their life, but they can’t or are just afraid to. They seem like they’re surprised that their life got boring. I wonder what they expected – that it would be like “in the movies?” Two guys told me recently: “I love my kid, but I hate being a parent.” That’s scary, I would say, and I didn’t make that up. I just wonder if they really wanted to get married and have kids or they just were programmed to do so, because their parents or grandparents told them that that was the only way.
Why do you want to get married? What do you think it will be like? Do even really want to get married? I think that people should keep asking themselves these questions over and over again before they decide to say “yes” to each other. Why? Because I believe that if they did know the answers to these questions, there would be more happy people around. I don’t know if they would get married or not, but at least they would know what they truly want in their life. Marriage is a commitment, especially when you decide to have kids, too. So don’t fuck it up, especially for your kids, and ask yourself these valid questions. Do you really want to get married, and what do you think it would be like? And most importantly – are you willing to change your life to build a new life with your family that will be way different than the one you have now? If not, maybe the marriage is not for you.