Step 56 – What If I Told You That You Can Have a Different Life?

I know I will sound very naïve now, but I had a recent revelation I would like to share with you. I started thinking about the choices we make and why we actually make them. Those who have read me so far know (or at least I hope they do), that I’m all about living my life on my own terms. There is no reason for you to agree on something you don’t want. Not even a single reason. And it suddenly hit me that it is only rarely that anyone makes their own choices based on what they actually want. Think about it for a second. I just realized we’re programmed to make certain choices. Being 30 years old in Poland without a boyfriend (not to mention a husband) and with no kid of my own was giving me many question marks. No one believed me that this is what I actually wanted. And that was one of the reasons why I decided to move here – I just knew I didn’t belong there. I’m way happier here. Once in a while there is someone here asking me about a boyfriend (usually the type of guys I mentioned in my last post), but rarely anyone questions my decision (at least not out loud). 

But I also noticed that a vast majority of people think that this is how it should be – get married in your 20s or 30s, have kids, buy a house, settle in and go on vacation once a year (or twice, if you’re lucky). And my question is – why do you think that this is the only way life should look like? First of all – why do you think that everyone should get married? Second of all – why do you think everyone should have kids? The third: take a look at the map of the world and tell me, why do you think it’s such a great idea to limit yourself to one place only? Who told you that that’s the only way to live? Think about it. Why are these your only options? 

The longer I live, the more I realize I don’t want to live this way. Indeed, I don’t believe marriage will make you happy; I don’t think that having a child will make your life full and I don’t believe that everyone has the same destination in life. And I’m not saying all this because I’m single and childless. I’m writing from a very humble and reasonable spot in me. If this is how you want to live – that’s great, do it, it will probably make you happy. But not everyone is like you. I see the whole ocean of people who “think” that they should live like that. They don’t even know if they “want to”; they just think that this is the thing to do, because…

And this is when the  big question arrives: Because what? Your parents live like that? Your grandparents? Your friends chose this kind of living? Why do you want to live this way? Do you even WANT this kind of life or you just think you SHOULD want it, because everyone (supposedly) does? And other thing that hardly anyone mentions – are you sure that these people are happy? I can’t answer these questions for you, but luckily I can finally answer them for myself. As for today – I see myself traveling the world – with my parents, my friends, my partner and surfing in different countries. I see myself helping women, especially young women to get the life they want. I don’t see marriage, I don’t see kids for myself in this moment. I don’t even know where and if I want to settle down. I love NY, but I see myself living in California and later on probably in Hawaii, or maybe somewhere else. But that’s me. I’m writing this to help you to understand – there is no need to limit yourself. There is no need to decide and think “ok, this is it, this is what my life will look like till I die”. No. Decide on your own what your life should look like. Do things that feel right to you, not to others. Just because someone lives the way they live, doesn’t mean that it’s your path too (just because it made them happy, it doesn’t mean it will make you happy). There was this famous article in “The Guardian” a few years ago when people confessed on their death beds what their five most regrets in life were, and the first one was – not living the life they wanted. Please, don’t make this mistake. Make your own choice based on what your heart and gut tell you to do. But first ask yourself – what is it you TRULY want? Close your eyes and imagine the life that would make you happy. What is it like? And why do you think you can’t have it? You might realize that the only reason is the simple fact that you never actually asked yourself what kind of life you even wanted in the first place.