How About My Ego?

I think of relationships a lot recently, but I reflect even more on what we were taught to think and do when it comes to men. I wrote about Matthew Hussey on Just Like NY already, he’s a relationship advisor and he gives great tips when it comes to men. I’ve listened to Matthew many times, I resonate with him strongly and I still read his quotes. When you go on YouTube and type “relationships”, you would find more guys and women giving relationship advice. And that’s great. But because as soon as November 2017 arrived something exploded within me regarding all fields of my life, including the way I look at men, I also stopped thinking that I need any kind of advice anymore. And it’s not because I suddenly think that I know it all. I don’t, and probably no one does. It’s because I don’t want to wonder what’s “appropriate” and what isn’t anymore. 

I look in the mirror and I think – here I am, this is what I look like, this is what I think, here are my opinions, here is my point of view on life. Do you like it? Great! I’m happy you’re on board. You don’t like it? I’m sorry, I will not change my opinion, because it bothers you. I won’t change my behavior to more „girlie” since it’s not who I am. I will just not simply change who I am in order for you to feel better about yourself. 

The advice that is to be found out there sounds more or less like that: „Don’t show him you’re too confident, because he will be intimidated by you”, „Say compliments to him, he will feel more validated and  drawn towards you”, „Don’t tell him you make more money, he needs to feel like a man who provides, that might destroy his ego”, „Don’t be afraid to approach him first, he would most likely not approach you, because he is afraid of rejection”. What the hell is all that…? So I should pretend I’m shy (which I sometimes am, but let’s face it…), tell him compliments all the time (to not to lose him to another woman who tells him even more compliments!), pretend I make $300 a week or maybe $1 and pay my rent with my smile and ask him out to make his ego feel great. What am I – a 15-year-old?! I’m a woman and I need a man. And by “man”, I mean a guy who is not afraid to approach me – he is THE GUY, so he will just come up to me, like a normal human being and say hi; who doesn’t need to be validated all the time, because he knows his value; who has money (and even if he doesn’t have thousands of dollars on his account, he’s sure he will have it soon, or he knows he still brings a lot to the table) and most importantly – wants to have a woman who is confident herself and doesn’t need him to prove her value. Yes, this is a man of my dreams. And I believe that there are guys like that out there. I refuse to walk around on my toes being constantly afraid „if I made his ego strong enough”. How about my ego? I worked on myself very hard the past few years. I moved here by myself, am my own provider, ego builder, and confidence architect. How about that? So why should I be so afraid who I truly am? I’m sorry, it took me a long time to build my own confidence, so I won’t let you second-guess it. You’re afraid of strong, independent women? How about – instead of throwing the typical „feminism accusation” – step up for yourself? Maybe it’s not the woman who is a problem? Maybe it’s you who should just get your ass to work and start building your own confidence, instead of relying on women’s compliments towards your ego? Sounds like a plan? How about making it happen now?