Step 40 – Do You Always Need To Change?
I keep writing about change and about how important it is to work on yourself in order to become the best version of oneself, but I also believe that there are times that you really shouldn’t change.
Yes, you do have some habits that need to be changed, as well as some types of behavior or thinking that need to be stopped (especially when you have been trapped in the same thinking patterns for years). But never change yourself in order to make somebody else happy. Don’t change because “someone asked you to”. Well, if your friend tells you that your behavior is weird or harmful and you know that they’re right – it’s time to change it. But not if you feel that someone requires you to change to feed their own needs. You should never do that. Don’t change in order to satisfy others. Someone doesn’t like the way you act, laugh, make the jokes, dress or spend your time, but you truly like it and it’s exactly in sync with who you are…? Don’t change it. Don’t change to please someone, or to make someone feel good about themselves – because it will always backfire on you.
You’re unique. Not perfect, but unique. There is no one else like you. You have your flaws because you’re a human being but you also have something that no one else has and you should be sincerely happy about it. You have some “weird things” about you – and that’s great. Don’t try to cover them up; you should celebrate and cultivate them. Many people are trying to hide their “weirdness” and fit in and I think that makes no sense at all. The older I get, the more I understand that it’s the most beautiful thing about you – it makes you really special. So don’t you dare to change it. I, for instance, love to laugh at my own jokes and can make myself laugh all the time (and it’s really difficult to make fun of me because I will laugh the loudest at myself). People find it weird or stupid, but I have no intention of changing it. I like it about myself – at least I’m never bored and I always entertain myself.
Some people think that they have to change in order to be with someone. They will find – like I used to do – things that should be changed within them in order to get someone’s attention. You can’t do that. You will not be in everyone’s type, there’s no chance for that, but there are people out there who look for someone exactly like you, with all these weird traits that you have. And they wouldn’t want you to change. So instead of thinking what’s wrong with you, start noticing what’s right with you. But in order to see that, you have to become more self-aware. How do you do that…? You have to pay attention to yourself more. Go through all these steps I wrote about already in my “Transform yourself” section, there are 40 of them already. Spend some time only with yourself, without your phone; meditate, listen to yourself, trust your body more, trust your intuition and be kinder to yourself. And make some changes, not because someone requires you to do so, but simply because you want to.