When Is the Right Time To Say No To a Guy?

The great thing about getting older is that your brain keeps working better and better. You finally see certain connections occur and you don’t do as many stupid things that end up hurting you. You still do a decent amount of them, but you can take care of yourself a bit better. And I believe that one of these things that help you avoid hurting yourself is just saying NO. Especially when it comes to relationships and sex. I believe that we all do it – we all agree to things we don’t necessary like, especially when we just started dating someone. We like a guy, so we are afraid to say anything that would make us lose him. We’re so scared of rejection, we would agree to just about anything. Sex is usually a complicated matter (which it doesn’t have to be), because we make it that way.  We somehow are afraid to say what we really do and don’t like, even to a partner who we’ve been with for a long time (or maybe especially to a long-term partner).

I met a guy recently and it was the first time in my life when I said No to a few things. They weren’t big things, but this was something that was making me uncomfortable (without revealing too much details – it was about sex). In the past, I used to just do it, afraid he’d be laughing at me or – what’s worst – would think I’m not good enough. But this time I just thought – Hell no, why do I have to agree to something that doesn’t give me any pleasure…? (And sex is supposed to be only about pleasure!). I like sex, the guy is hot, so I definitely want to enjoy it – which is why I thought: “Why not just say something?” I said to myself: “I’m too old for this crap”. And I just said: “No”. And? Nothing bad happened. He listened and never did ask me about that again. And I was so proud of myself – just for defending myself. Because the truth is that you don’t have to say Yes to everything. If he doesn’t like it, or will not respect it, isn’t it better to know that right away…? Why would you want to be with someone who gets offended, because you’re not feeling comfortable with something? Being with someone shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable; it should make you happy. It should make you shine. If it’s not like that – something is not going the right way. You have to be honest about stuff like that – you just have to, for your own sake. If he leaves you after you speak up – fuck him, he wouldn’t be your partner anyway. And if it was just a hook-up – still, not worth it, if he is an asshole, it’s even better that you guys don’t have sex. 

Don’t be afraid to protect yourself. Saying No is really liberating and the fact that you don’t like certain things doesn’t make you a weirdo. It’s just who you are and there’s no reason to change it if you don’t want it. Do what feels right to you.

It took me many years to get to this point. I just like myself too much and I think that I’m worthy of the best things. There’s no reason for me to agree to a situation in which I feel like I’m doing something against my will. And I definitely don’t want to agree on things that don’t make me happy.