Live the Way You Want
Just recently, I wrote about women and having kids and it turned out to be one of the most popular posts on Just Like NY. Which was surprising to me, because I imagined I’d be slammed for writing about that in the way I did. I got a lot of support from women who were telling me that they needed to read that. They needed to feel that there is someone like them out there. Which only showed me how much hypocrisy is still surrounding the issue. It really bothers me that we can’t say what we think or feel. Why are we afraid to speak up? Who gives people the right to judge someone’s choices? Why we just can’t say: I don’t want to have kids; I don’t want to get marry; I don’t believe in God; I don’t want to live in my country; without any judgments being passed on us?
Why do you care? This is my main question. Why do you care so much about my decisions? Why do they bother you so much? I believe that there are a few answers to this question, but one of them, the truest in my opinion, is that you’re afraid that I’ll make different choices than you do. And what of it? If I decide to do something different than most of the people do, I disturb the status quo. I disturb the one established way of thinking and one way of living. And it starts creating question marks. When there are question marks, there are doubts. And where there is a doubt, the final question pops up: Did I make the right decision? Here it is. What if I didn’t? He’s chosen a completely different lifestyle, is mine even right? Which one is better? I can answer these questions now. Yes, you made the right decision. Yes, your way of living is the right way. None of them is a better way. The best one is the one that works for you.
This is what I learned living in NYC – there are as many ways of living as many people there are in this city. When someone tells me how they live I just smile, nod and sometimes will say: It’s interesting. And that’s it. I don’t panic that someone’s life looks different than mine. I’m happy for them and I don’t immediately question my path and my choices. Why would I do that? You have to understand one thing – it doesn’t matter what life you choose – with a husband, with a wife, on an island, on a boat, or with just your cat – as long as it works for you. This is the key issue. It has to feel right to you. I will help you even more now – the thing is that there will always be a regret. There will be these questions – Should I have married this guy? Should I have left the country? Should I have accepted that job offer? Should I have said “I love you” to keep him next to me? Should I have decided to stay with him and made him a father of my kids? These questions are endless. But in order not to get crazy – just stay true to yourself. If you do, then I can’t promise you that you’ll get everything that you want, but I can promise you the life with peace in your heart. So don’t look at others: look in the mirror and ask yourself what life you want to have. And then go and live it.
