Should Every Woman Have Kids?

I know it’s a difficult subject and I believe that everyone has an opinion about that. Which is good, because I have one of my own. I strongly believe that no: not every woman should have children. I’m almost 35 and I don’t have kids, I have no idea how it is and am not so sure if I want to know. What’s even funnier, the older I get, the less I’m sure if I want to have kids at all. I have a life I wanted to have: this is how I imagined it, so why would I change it…? Before you start yelling at me, beating me over the head with wisdom like: “Of course you do want to have children, you’ll see, you’ll get there one day…”, I want to stop you right there. What makes you so sure that “I’ll get there one day”? Only because you happened to have gotten there, you think I’ll have to there, too? What makes you think that we feel, act and react in the same way? What makes you think that just because we are women, we “want” or “dream of” or “need” the same things…?

My name is Dagmara and I was raised in Jarosław, Poland. Even if you were my age, even if you came from the same city, even if you lived on the same street, it wouldn’t mean that we would have the same life path. I’m a human being and you’re a human being – this is all we have in common. We both have the same need of being loved, I can agree to that. But this doesn’t mean both of us will find love in the same place. I’ve never dreamt of having this white dress or being surrounded by children. Maybe it would happen one day (I really doubt about the dress, even though my gay friends want to be my bridesmaids), when I find a guy who would stay at home with kids. But there are big chances it will not happen. So what then? What would be your reaction if I said – Thanks, I’m fine without kids, I have my own mission to accomplish? Would you say: “Oh, you just say that”? Or: “Aren’t you afraid you would want to have children one day and it will be too late for you to have them?”

Yes, I’m afraid that this will happen. And I know I’m not the only one. It’s not only my fear. It’s the fear of all women who want something different. Not every woman is looking for fulfillment in having kids. Some want to have a career, travel, and party, and some – like me – want to change the world.  We all feel this pressure and eyes looking on ourselves. But what choice do we have? Go and jump on a guy, before the clock stops ticking? You know what? No, thank you. I would follow my gut because I believe I will handle the choices I made. My point is – please, don’t say the sentence: “You’ll see, you will do it because I did it.” You are you and I am me. And we don’t have other choices than just being ourselves and do whatever feels right to us. And if we wake up and regret it one day, at least we will know we did what was right for us at that time. I believe that those women who chose motherhood have their regrets, too, and let’s not try to prove which regrets are more important or more harmful. I believe that you’ll harm yourself by not choosing what you really love and what your heart tells you to do. No, we are not all the same, and yes – it shouldn’t be your problem that I have chosen something different. Focus on your life and make it as magnificent as you can, with or without kids. And kindly leave my life for myself to live. At the end of the day, it is me being me and it is you being you. And it’s a perfect arrangement.