It’s You Who Picks Them, Not the Other Way Around

I just love it when girls – and guys alike – keep saying: „Oh my god, I keep attracting all those freaks. Why do they like me so much? When there is this crazy person around,  I know they will pick me! Why is it like that? Life is so unfair!”. When I hear this, I just start laughing. Really…? They pick you…? Are you sure? 

We love to blame others for all the unfairness and for the weird people that keep bothering us. “I always end up with unfaithful / lost / weak / broken guys”, and so on, and so forth. Usually, all this is followed by: “It’s my karma. I can’t just meet a normal guy”. How hilarious. I’m sorry to tell you this, but if you really want to blame someone, just look in the mirror. They don’t pick you, you pick them.

Why have I never dated a crazy guy? Am I just lucky? No: they just are not interested in me, because I can smell their craziness from a mile away and would not agree to even start a conversation with them (I dated a different kind of troublesome guys, but it’s another story). Maybe my intuition is just stronger, or maybe I just pay attention to the signs. It’s also about setting the standards for yourself. Because it all boils down to one thing – who do you want to be with? Unfortunately, women’s biggest sin is that they simply want to be in a relationship. Who they want to be with is – surprisingly – only secondary. “He’s interested in me, so I’m fine, this is all I wanted.” Or: “I just needed someone who texts me, eats dinner with me and sleeps with me. All bases covered.”

How about looking closer at who is it that we choose and start thinking why we choose a certain type of guys? Why should we do it? To have better relationships. To be happier. To be inspired. If you’re with the right person, you just become a better version of yourself and when you’re better, you notice more things around you, you’re kinder to other people, you do more good. And we do need good things around, especially now, when we’re so lost in a world seemingly out of a “Jetsons” episode. Before you say “Yes” to dating someone, think if it adds any value to your life (note: craziness is NOT a value). Before you decide, take a closer look at the person and be honest with yourself, if this is really someone you want to be with. The fact he or she is just “out there” doesn’t make them into an automatic perfect fit for you. Does s/he meet your standards? Do both of you share the same values? Do you want similar things from life?

Whatever you answer to these questions, don’t lie to yourself in order to avoid loneliness, because when you end up with the wrong person, you’ll feel more lonely than you have ever felt before.