What are your standards?

Sometimes women are weird and they have a strange tendency to complicate things when it comes to relationships with men. I can say that because I’m a woman and I’ve made things complicated in my past too. Everything would be easier if women just had the courage to say out loud what they really need and expect from men. You meet a guy, he sends you a red flag or two right away, and instead of reacting, you don’t do anything about it, only because you’re “scared of losing him” (!). Where is the logic here? I understood a while ago that, in this life, you get what you agree on getting. And if you really want to blame someone, look at yourself and at the choices you made in the first place. 

Everything is a matter of standards you set for yourself. In other words: it’s you who draws the thin line that somebody shouldn’t cross with you. You’re angry, because: he doesn’t text you or call you as often as you wanted (and you asked him to do); he doesn’t invite you to the cool spots (even after you mentioned it to him many times already); he smokes when he’s with you (even though you told him it annoyed you); he raises his voice talking to you (even though he knows it freaks you out); he goes out for a drink every day after work with his buddies (after you asked him to spend at least two of those evenings with you instead). What do you do about that? If you say: “Oh, that’s just the way he is”, it means you gave up already and it will only get worse from now on. What does it truly mean for you…? It means that as time passes, your frustration will be only accumulating and will turn into a resentment, which will then be very difficult to hide and deny. Make no mistake: your resentment will turn into everyday fights at some point, and you will get scarred repeatedly.

The truth is that the standards you set for yourself are the standards your relationship is built of. If there is something you really care about and your partner doesn’t deliver that for you, even after mentioning that to him several times, you should really ask yourself if this is a guy you want to spend not only your time but possibly your life with? And I’m not talking about bullshit like: “Take the garbage out”. I’m talking about stuff that’s important to you, this thing that makes you uncomfortable and causes your stomach to turn. And it’s different to each of us. No, you don’t have to agree to that, you have to communicate it. And his reaction should be an indicator for you, telling you if this relationship is even worth continuing. Have the courage to fight for what you really care about and the courage to leave when your relationship doesn’t meet your standards.