A Guy Stopped Calling? Maybe It’s Your Fault?

I adore women. I think they have a lot to offer, they are not appreciated enough and they keep underestimating themselves. Even though my dream is to one day create a movement that helps them to express themselves and to become whom they really want to be, I must admit that there are moments when I just want to kick them in the butt. I openly admit that there are times when I truly don’t understand them, even though I’m one of them. This moment usually comes when once we start talking about men. Every time I hear them saying: “You know, I met an amazing guy, he brought me flowers, we went on a few dates and we had a great time. But after a month he disappeared. I called him, texted him, but he didn’t respond. He finally did, saying: ‘I’m not ready for a relationship’. I don’t understand, we had an amazing time, so I want to meet up and get an explanation.” And this is a woman in her 30s I am talking about. When I hear things like that, I want to turn my head away like a puppy usually does when you’re trying to explain to it that it can’t pee on a carpet. It’s just too much for me to handle.

The first sad conclusion is, of course, that it is indeed very shitty of that guy not to call you, waste your time and turn out to be an immature asshole. But my question is: What would you expect to hear from him in case you finally do meet up…? What explanation do you expect? I’ll tell you what was the reason right here and now: he probably started dating another girl or had one while he was dating you. Somehow, he chose her over you. Or maybe there was another reason. Whatever it was, you shouldn’t be crying over a guy who didn’t care about you.

The second sad conclusion is that you still think that this guy was amazing. You dated for just a month and you tell me that “he’s amazing”? Everyone is amazing in a month-long relationship. Wait to say “amazing” till you’ve been with someone for a while when you know that he is the one you call when something is happening in your life when you know you can count on him and when he is the one who inspires you to do bigger things. Why is he amazing…? Because he gave you some attention that you needed…? It’s not enough to use this adjective. Haagen Dazs ice cream is amazing too, but I don’t plan to spend the rest of my life with it and put a picture of a bucket of Macadamia Nut Brittle over my desk. 

It’s sad that this thing has happened not to one of us, but to all of us at some point – and it will probably happen again. Instead of asking: What went wrong this time?, ask yourself: Is the guy the real problem here? If it’s not the first time, then it means you are following a pattern. What type of a guy are you usually attracted to? Maybe you should change something? I’ll give you an advice I recently got from my friend and which I incorporated in my life: “Go on a date with a guy whom you normally wouldn’t even considered, who technically is not your type”. Even if the date won’t be perfect, you’ll broad your horizons and will see that there are different guys out there. I recently went on a date (he kind of was my type, I admit), it was great, but the date didn’t lead to another one. Still, I don’t regret any minute of it (not one minute of the entire 10-hours the date lasted J). Apparently, it wasn’t the right moment. 

The last sad conclusion is that instead of putting our energy into something that matters, something that interests you and is creatively engaging, we keep wasting hours, days and weeks on crying over an asshole who didn’t even have a courage to say: I’m sorry, I’m looking for someone different. It’s such a waste of time! Work on being the best version of yourself and the right guy will find you. Starting today.

PS This message is aimed at the guys, too.