Questions You Don’t Ask
Delete the following from Your list of questions. Forget you have ever asked them in the past. And better do it right away.
1. Why don’t you have a boyfriend/a husband? I already wrote about this. Is a boyfriend akin to hair that should simply grow out of our bodies after we are born? And why don’t *you* own a koala bear? Because they stay high and asleep for 23 hours a day. When you ask a dumb question, you better prepare for a dumb answer.
2. When do you plan to get married? And when do *you* plan to get buried…? Too harsh? Again: a dumb question provokes a dumb answer. Why all people in relationships have to get married right away? The divorce rate keeps going up, and I won’t even mention the cheating rate (ashleymadison.com… hello!), and you keep at it: “when do you plan to get married?”. All those young couples, very much in love and very much convinced they simply have to get hitched – without ever thinking whether their partner is the right one. You really think that only marriage can validate a relationship? I want to have a partner, but I don’t want to get married – does this make my relationship automatically less worthy? Who gives you the right to judge other people’s relationship and evaluate it? Where did you get the idea to look at other people’s relationships through your own relationship and experience? Each person is an individual – and believe me, we don’t all want the same thing. You really think a wedding ring is a guarantee of undying love? I wish it were, but life is more complicated than that. As I said in one of my recent posts: stop looking inside other people’s bedrooms and focus on your own.
3. When do you plan to have kids? Again: who gives you the right to ask? If two people get together, does that automatically mean they have to have kids? Maybe I will shock you, but: no, they don’t have to. They may even not want to. And you know what? It’s their right and none of your business. And what if a couple is trying unsuccessfully to have kids and you butt in with Your dumb question? What if their relationship is hanging on a thread because of too many unsuccessful attempts and related expenses? Just bite your tongue before you decide to “kindly ask” that question.
By asking those questions, you don’t merely show your lack of tact, but also your lack of culture. It’s walking into someone’s live in heavy boots, which is something you have no right of doing. The underlying meanings of those questions are:
Why don’t you have a boyfriend/husband? à Because I have one.
When are you getting married? à Because I have already.
When do you plan to have kids? àBecause I have mine own.
In fact, all those questions translate into one basic inquiry: when do you plan to do what I have already done?
Dude, if that’s your thinking – that we will do exactly the same thing – I am even more convinced that our lives will go in entirely different directions.
P.S. If you really want to know the answers to those questions, I suggest you change their form:
1. Would you like to be in a relationship?
2. Would you like to get married? Can you picture yourself in a marriage?
3. Would you like to have kids?
Sounds better, doesn’t it?