„Honestly, Why Don’t You Have a Boyfriend?”

“But honestly: Why don’t you have a boyfriend/husband?” is one of those boomerang questions I keep getting and I keep not understanding, like the artist I wrote about in my previous post.

First of all: what kind of question is that? Are we being born with a guy at our side, who then falls off? Or do you get a boyfriend the way you acquire knowledge during your school years, and then he is gone and everyone freaks out?

Am I walking around and asking everyone why don’t they have a lawnmower? Or why don’t they walk around without a Christmas tree under their arms all year round? These questions make as much sense to me, honestly.

I have several girlfriends of my own age who are also single. Don’t we like guys? No, to the contrary: we like them a lot. Do we fear commitment? Not anymore, since we already learned that in case we meet an asshole, we are able to send him away. Or is it that we are selfish? Perhaps a little bit – we know what we want, but we wouldn’t ever turn away a really worthy guy. The accusation of selfishness always makes me laugh (are people in relationships “for the greater good” and “out of the goodness of their hearts”?).

Usually, we have been single for a couple of years (ever since our brains clicked and started working enough to say “no” to the guys who deserved that word much earlier). We work hard for what we’ve got, we have good jobs, we cope and we support each other. Now and then, a guy comes our way, but he mainly introduces chaos, since “he doesn’t know what he wants”, “he has work”, “he has a business trip”, or some other bullshit. We’re too old to go head over heels over the first guy that appears and attracts our attention (that alone is not such an accomplishment, you know?). We came a long and thorny way to get where we are, so why would we settle for someone average? What we need is inspiration, support and a strong male arm: if we get that combo, believe me, none of us will say no.

Personally, my staying single is also a consequence of living in New York City, which happens to be the place some supreme force keeps sending the most gorgeous guys to. Do I have to pick just one? Maybe in a year. Maybe in two.

But honestly: Can you promise that I will really be more happy once I find myself a guy?