Do I Have Time For You…? Or: Why Dating in NY Is So Difficult

I recently read an article on dating in NY, which confirmed once again that it’s one of the most difficult activities in this town (which I already wrote about). As I said before on this blog, there are several reasons for that, but the longer I live here, the more I can see the source of them all.

The most common scenario – which has happened both to me and to my female friends – reads as follows. You meet a guy, usually online (as I said, dating sites are very popular here), or – less likely – on the town. Text message exchange ensues, usually taking up a few days, after which date is set up. Incidentally: the longer the setting-up process, the clearer the hint that one of the sides is not too interested and is checking other “options” simultaneously. In case none of the latter materializes, you and the guy actually meet.

The date is fun, both of you have a good time. Sometimes there’s chemistry, sometimes there’s none. After you get home you text the guy, the texting goes for 2 more days, and then… it’s over. Why doesn’t the second date happen? Because usually you start to think: “What if I meet someone even better soon?…” (the probability of that in this town is close to 100%). You will make the same mistake over and over again, until you understand that there will ALWAYS be someone out there who’s even more interesting, more good-looking, sexier, pursuing a better hobby and having better ideas for life.

Reason No. 2 is time. In New York, you never have enough of it – you are constantly catching up. Time flies here much quicker than it does anywhere else and you learn very quickly how to make a better use of it. You will think three times before you decide to go on a date to Manhattan, since the next day you may be starting a 4-day job marathon, working 12-hour days on each day.

The third reason is something I haven’t taken into account until recently – namely, your long-time purpose. Many folks arriving in NY treat their job as mere means of paying the rent – it is after work that they really pursue things that brought them to the city in the first place. Investing your time in your new romantic interest usually means less time for the project that originally brought you here. Suddenly, the risk is too big. You start thinking: “Should I embark on something potentially as time-consuming as my purpose No. 1?”. “Or maybe I should pick a better moment?”. As you can guess, man New Yorkers choose option No. 2. They often forget that “the better moment” may actually never arrive. Tough? Hey, this is New York City!