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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?

added: 2018-12-18 , category: It's all about sex

I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner from the same country (with a shared skin color) being a guarantee of your relationship being successful. Were this twisted theory true, how come we’ve got so many divorces between compatriots…? Guys, you get each other, you watched the same movies when you were kids, you know the same jokes, speak the same language. So… why didn’t it work out for you? The theory says you should be fine. But the problem is that this theory itself doesn’t make much sense.

 

When I moved to NY, I saw this endless ocean of possibilities in men. I was just amazed. And decided to take advantage of that. People asked me why I was single and I looked at them thinking: “Are you crazy? How am I supposed to cut myself off from THAT?” So I experimented. I met up with guys from United States, Jamaica, Mexico, Lebanon, Italy, Dominican Republic, Israel. I was just curious. I grew up in a country where there is only one skin color and one mentality (with a few exceptions), so of course I got excited! I don’t regret a single encounter I had. And yes: we are all different, but what I also discovered along the way was that that’s the best part about it. Why? Because there is so much to learn. I find it fascinating when a man tells me things about his culture that I wasn’t even aware of. He grew up differently, ate different cuisine, shared different rituals, experienced different religion or spiritual life, different household. And I find it amazing. I find it fascinating and would love to have a partner from a different culture. I’m not saying that I would say “No” to a Polish guy just because he’s Polish (if he gets me — why not), but I feel my life would be more interesting with someone with a different point of view.

 

Cultural differences might be a problem, of course, but so can be thousands other things. His drinking or drug problem, his job, gambling, his ego, his fears, his childhood, his priorities. None of those things has anything to do with his country of origin. That has a lot to do with life itself and with his approach to it.

 

If you don’t communicate what you need, what you love and how you want to be loved — then shared cultural traditions won’t help you. Neither will a shared language. You might meet a guy from an exotic island you never heard of before who gets you more than a guy raised in the same town as you. Love and understanding don’t have a country of origin. They just come when you’re open. So be more open. I recently learned that I have no idea what I really want. What I thought I wanted, was not necessarily what I needed. I’m still not quite sure what I need, but I stopped saying that with such a certainty about what I want. I know I want to be loved for who I am. This is all I know. And I’m damn sure that it would have nothing to do with the language, skin color, religion or country. And it will have everything to do with me and my partner’s willingness to listen and to understand each other. 

 



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