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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

You Have to Kiss a Lot of Frogs To… Find the Frog That Rises to Your Standards

added: 2018-11-27 , category: It's all about sex

I’ve had a few men in my life so far, and they always disappeared at some point (nowadays, I realize that they actually did me a favor). Once, I used to think it was the end of the world, but now I look at it all as a series of new beginnings… for myself. With this post, I want to let you know that there is a world after the guy is gone. And it’s actually a much better world. Why? Because it is a world in which you know more and you know better. And I’ve learned that every guy who came into my life gave me some kind of lesson. Some of them were there for a few months and some of them stayed there for only a short period of time (sometimes it was only a couple of hours).

 

Not every man enters your life to stay there. Most of them actually shouldn’t. They are there to teach you something. All the guys I went on dates with taught me something about… myself. Not about them, not about men in general: the lesson they all gave me concerned myself. Each of them showed me what makes me happy and what doesn’t. Some of them helped me to understand what doesn’t serve me and what’t not for me anymore. 


When I think of some guys in my life now, I just open my eyes very widely and ask myself: “How the hell I was even interested in that guy in the first place?”. All of them were there to help me shape my standards, though. Now I know I don’t want a party boy, I don’t want a guy who smokes, who drinks a lot (not to mention drugs; a puff of weed every other day doesn’t work for me, either). I know I can’t be with a cheap guy. I don’t want his money; it’s not about that. But I really don’t like it when he makes a big deal of spending money; I find it embarrassing). I love gentlemen. I like when a guy does what he said he would and when he’s reaching out for things he cares about. I can’t stand posers and those who think that money can buy them everything (once I met a very nice older guy with money, we talked three times at my work - not even flirting - and when he left NY, he called me at my work, saying that he’d buy me a ticket to Las Vegas to visit him in his apartment. I was speechless and just said: “I don’t think so”. I still wonder what I would have said had Leo offered me that very option…I think I would have said the same thing, but who knows…). 


 

The guy you’re dating is not always “the one for the rest of your life”, so when something doesn’t work out and you guys break up (or he simply loses his interest), don’t jump off the bridge. I know you think that “the game is over” for you, but it certainly is not. It’s over with this particular guy. Think what lesson should be learned there and stop crying. I know it’s difficult to believe that there is another guy out there, but trust me - there always is. And the new ones keep coming. I want a new guy in my life, too, so I did this exercise and maybe it will help you, too. I did it a couple of weeks ago during my meditation - I thanked all the guys who had been in my life and… I said goodbye to them. I didn’t say mean things to them, I don’t hate them - there is no reason to be angry at them, they just did me a favor (thank god they didn’t stay in my life for a longer time! And btw - don’t hold onto any anger towards your old relationship stories, it just doesn’t help you get over with that and it doesn’t help you meet someone new). I just thanked them for what they all brought into my life (even if they lied to me - because it was also a lesson) and I moved on. I opened a new chapter for myself. The past ways got old. I made room for something new. And I met two new interesting guys the following week. I don’t know how long they’re staying, but if they’re planning on staying in my life, I make sure they rise up to my standards.  And my standards are not about what they can give me, but how they treat me. Because your standards should be about how you want to be treated and how want your man to make you feel. I know it now, but I had to kiss many frogs in order to get here. And I don’t even want a prince now (I’m done with princes, too). I’m fine with a frog, but it has to treat me the way I deserve. 

 


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