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“The Top Five Regrets of Dying” - Regret Number Two
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware “The Top Five Regrets of Dying”, I wrote about regret number five here, four here and three here. The second regret is - I wish I hadn’t w...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Three
  I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret number five and four hereand here. The third regret is: &bdquo...

NY Through My Eyes - West Village, October 2018
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“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here. The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friend...

Color Factory - Wake Up Your Inner Child
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Your Opinion of Me Is None of My Business
Yeah, I know. The second you hear the sentence I chose for the title of this post, it sounds very cocky to you. It sounds like my self-esteem is sky-rocketing and my ego is bursting at the seams. Bu...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Five
For some reason, I’ve kept seeing again the list of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” poping up recently all the time. It’s a list created by Bronnie Ware, based on her best- ...

Step 61 - Forget About “Finding Your Passion”
I’ve already written in Just Like NY about “looking for a passion,” but I have a few new thoughts on the subject.  First of all, forget about this trend of “live yo...

Just Let Us Be the Woman We Want To Be
I was recently riding the subway and I looked around as I always do (unless I’m around my period and don’t want to look at anyone). I looked at women this time (it rarely happens, but th...

Breathwork with XPT
    I admire and follow many people on social media – always in search for an inspiration – and whenever I see some of them come to NY, I almost jump up to the sky at the pro...

Make Your Own Choice
I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation.  I neve...

What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get

added: 2018-09-19 , category: It's all about sex

A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised. 

We met on Instagram (he saw my video and messaged me; it was my first – and thus far my last - Instagram date) and we met in Central Park. It was a very good date and we were supposed to meet the week after. But “the week after” never happened. After a few messages, he suddenly vanished. 

And so, when he texted me asking if I remembered him, I replied I did, but I couldn’t help adding that I also remembered he had sort of disappeared. He replied that “he was very busy” (of course) and when I asked what made him text me now, he didn’t answer, but he kept sending “hey, good morning” in the morning. So I decided to let it go. A year ago, I would probably have started texting with him and even go out with him again, but I simply know better now. And what’s this “better” about…? I just know I should give guys what they give to me. I should give them the same respect they give to me. And I should invest as much time in them as they invest in me. If a guy needs a year to ask me out again, it clearly means I wasn’t on the top of his priority list - I wasn’t even close to making the list, most likely. (In fact, I probably figured on his „Last resort” or „If other dates fail” lists, if you ask me.) And even if it was only about sex – he should have put more effort into that. A simple “Hey, how are you, do you remember me?” it’s just not enough anymore. It might have been (barely) enough a year or two ago, but it’s not anymore.

I wrote a while ago to set your standards and I finally started listening to my own advice. I not only set the standards on whom I want to date, but also on how I want to be treated. I keep saying that you have a choice and I really do believe that we all have a choice to decide how we let other people treat us. You get what you agree upon. Going out with a guy who vanished for a year and doesn’t even feel like saying “I’m sorry”, just says a lot about me and about my respect toward myself. Yes, of course, I could just go on a date and have some fun, but I don’t think I could get over the fact that I was “his last option”. I can have a date anytime if I just wanted to and wouldn’t have to wait a year for that.

I’m writing about all this simply to remind you that it’s not up to you how a guy treats you, for example if he asks you out again (as he promised) or not, if he lies to you or if he disappears – you have no power over that. But you do have all the power in the world to say “No” to the things you don’t like. And if you feel like something is not up to your new standard anymore, just walk away. 

 


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