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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Do you even want to get married?

added: 2018-08-10 , category: It's all about sex

I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come to this conclusion – I don’t think that marriage, in its traditional form, works for most people. 

What do I mean by “traditional form?” A couple is dating, they decide to get married (with “a little pressure” coming from their families), they have a child (“because it’s time”, “the clock is ticking”), maybe buy a house or an apartment, and then maybe have the second child. And what happens after that? He usually starts working longer hours (to make money and all of that), she either stays at home with the kids or comes back to work (so now she has two jobs). They find time for each other once in a blue moon and usually just talk about the kids anyway. They get trapped in a routine. And they might continue living like that, slowly forgetting who they are, and/or start cheating on each other (because the life got boring). He has a lover, and she most likely does, too (women are cheaters, too). They might even fall in love with their lovers, and one of them (most likely him) might leave for the younger one. Then she gets pregnant and…it starts all over again. 


It’s not the scenario for all couples, but I would go out on a limb and say that it is for at least half of them. And I don’t get it. I’m not married and I don’t have kids (and as of right now, it is not on my list). There are a few couples that I know that are happy, so I know being married can be a great thing. But most of the time, I barely see any excitement in the relationship, especially when a couple talks about each other (they’re more excited talking about the movie they saw yesterday than about their spouse). The flame that was between them is gone. There are couples that inspire each other or are excited about each other (I have met only a few, but I believe that there are more out there), but most of them (especially those with kids) are just tired and bored. And I have a feeling that they just want to quit their life, but they can’t or are just afraid to. They seem like they’re surprised that their life got boring. I wonder what they expected - that it would be like “in the movies?” Two guys told me recently: “I love my kid, but I hate being a parent.” That’s scary, I would say, and I didn’t make that up. I just wonder if they really wanted to get married and have kids or they just were programmed to do so, because their parents or grandparents told them that that was the only way

 

Why do you want to get married? What do you think it will be like? Do even really want to get married? I think that people should keep asking themselves these questions over and over again before they decide to say “yes” to each other. Why? Because I believe that if they did know the answers to these questions, there would be more happy people around. I don’t know if they would get married or not, but at least they would know what they truly want in their life. Marriage is a commitment, especially when you decide to have kids, too. So don’t fuck it up, especially for your kids, and ask yourself these valid questions. Do you really want to get married, and what do you think it would be like? And most importantly – are you willing to change your life to build a new life with your family that will be way different than the one you have now? If not, maybe the marriage is not for you. 



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