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Make Your Own Choice
I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation.  I neve...

What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

How I Decided To Give Up This Beauty Race
It happens that I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Upper East Side recently, and must say one thing – there are a lot of fake faces out there. And it really annoys ...

Where Are You From?...Who Cares?
I can’t believe I have to write about this again, but it just bothers me so much, so here we go. Racism is alive and homophobia is alive, and if you think differently, you’re delusional&...

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

Choose Your Own Relationship

added: 2018-07-24 , category: It's all about sex

I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. And what kind of a relationship I actually want to have. After a while, I came up with one.

I want someone who makes me feel free. That’s the best relationship I can imagine for myself – one in which I keep my freedom, which I love so much. One in which I have someone who adds something extra to my life.

I want to be with a guy who understands who I am and who understands that there are different ways of living and you don’t necessary have to get married and have kids to have a great relationship that lasts for years. I know that every other movie ends with a happy marriage, but our real lives don’t have to. If you want that, great: go ahead and find a partner who wants it, too. But if you don’t – be patient and wait for the right person who shares your vision.

A partner who lets you be whoever you are, but also inspires you to grow, is the best partner I can imagine.  I see myself with a guy with a similar lifestyle to mine and a similar vision of the future I have. A guy who likes to work out, who likes to grow, who is open-minded and sees that life consists of a bit more than they taught us our whole lives (he can’t be like a sheep following the herd). I just want someone similar to me. As well as someone who doesn’t drag me to every family event and forces me to “talk to girls about kids and wedding plans”, because I would rather jump off the bridge. I want to have a partner who doesn’t reach for his phone while we’re having dinner (I would slam this phone if he was checking it instead of talking to me).

When I’m thinking about a relationship, I don’t see any need to talk about “the future”. Why do we always have to talk about our futures? All we have is now. You don’t know how long your relationship will last so… enjoy every moment of it and don’t stress out about what’s coming. Thinking too much of what might happen in a few years means losing your focus on today. Make sure you’re great to your partner today. Who knows what happens in a few years…? Who knows what happens tomorrow or in a week, for that matter…?

I also don’t get this need to promise my partner that “we will be together forever”. Promising something like that is just lying. You can’t promise that. You can promise to do your best to not to fuck it up and work on yourself to be the best version of yourself while you’re in a relationship, but you can’t promise anything “till your dying day”. It’s impossible, especially in today’s world. Do your best: listen to your partner, try to understand, ask questions and give your partner what he needs. And trust your partner. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where there is no trust. What’s the point of being in a relationship like that anyway? And there is no need “to do everything together”. Why would you want to do everything together? Do things with other people, take care of your friends, don’t forget about them, because you would need them soon. You both have your friends’ groups, and that’s fine, there is no need to mingle all the time.

The world has changed, the relationships have changed. So ask yourself: what kind of relationship you want to be in. You really do have the choice. Turn the romantic comedies (or this reality show called “a royal wedding”) off and think what kind of lifestyle do you want to have. Not every relationship should end up with marriage and/or kids (most of them actually shouldn’t). You can have a great relationship without these things and the chances it will last as long (or perhaps even longer) are actually huge. It’s up to you. So think for a bit – how do you actually see your relationship and with whom you would like to share it?



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