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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Choose Your Own Relationship

added: 2018-07-24 , category: It's all about sex

I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. And what kind of a relationship I actually want to have. After a while, I came up with one.

I want someone who makes me feel free. That’s the best relationship I can imagine for myself – one in which I keep my freedom, which I love so much. One in which I have someone who adds something extra to my life.

I want to be with a guy who understands who I am and who understands that there are different ways of living and you don’t necessary have to get married and have kids to have a great relationship that lasts for years. I know that every other movie ends with a happy marriage, but our real lives don’t have to. If you want that, great: go ahead and find a partner who wants it, too. But if you don’t – be patient and wait for the right person who shares your vision.

A partner who lets you be whoever you are, but also inspires you to grow, is the best partner I can imagine.  I see myself with a guy with a similar lifestyle to mine and a similar vision of the future I have. A guy who likes to work out, who likes to grow, who is open-minded and sees that life consists of a bit more than they taught us our whole lives (he can’t be like a sheep following the herd). I just want someone similar to me. As well as someone who doesn’t drag me to every family event and forces me to “talk to girls about kids and wedding plans”, because I would rather jump off the bridge. I want to have a partner who doesn’t reach for his phone while we’re having dinner (I would slam this phone if he was checking it instead of talking to me).

When I’m thinking about a relationship, I don’t see any need to talk about “the future”. Why do we always have to talk about our futures? All we have is now. You don’t know how long your relationship will last so… enjoy every moment of it and don’t stress out about what’s coming. Thinking too much of what might happen in a few years means losing your focus on today. Make sure you’re great to your partner today. Who knows what happens in a few years…? Who knows what happens tomorrow or in a week, for that matter…?

I also don’t get this need to promise my partner that “we will be together forever”. Promising something like that is just lying. You can’t promise that. You can promise to do your best to not to fuck it up and work on yourself to be the best version of yourself while you’re in a relationship, but you can’t promise anything “till your dying day”. It’s impossible, especially in today’s world. Do your best: listen to your partner, try to understand, ask questions and give your partner what he needs. And trust your partner. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where there is no trust. What’s the point of being in a relationship like that anyway? And there is no need “to do everything together”. Why would you want to do everything together? Do things with other people, take care of your friends, don’t forget about them, because you would need them soon. You both have your friends’ groups, and that’s fine, there is no need to mingle all the time.

The world has changed, the relationships have changed. So ask yourself: what kind of relationship you want to be in. You really do have the choice. Turn the romantic comedies (or this reality show called “a royal wedding”) off and think what kind of lifestyle do you want to have. Not every relationship should end up with marriage and/or kids (most of them actually shouldn’t). You can have a great relationship without these things and the chances it will last as long (or perhaps even longer) are actually huge. It’s up to you. So think for a bit – how do you actually see your relationship and with whom you would like to share it?



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