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What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

How I Decided To Give Up This Beauty Race
It happens that I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Upper East Side recently, and must say one thing – there are a lot of fake faces out there. And it really annoys ...

Where Are You From?...Who Cares?
I can’t believe I have to write about this again, but it just bothers me so much, so here we go. Racism is alive and homophobia is alive, and if you think differently, you’re delusional&...

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
  There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Where is love?

added: 2018-06-14 , category: It's all about sex


Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (you can’t just go and look for it, you think), but I’ve noticed that it’s a bit less complicated than I’ve always assumed. 



First of all – I don’t believe in this crap that “there is only one person for you.” No, there is not. Don’t believe in it. Because when you start thinking this way, you will close off your mind in a bubble and wait only for this ONE imaginary guy. I said imaginary, because when you believe that your options are limited, you start creating this myth in your head of what he’s supposed to be like. And I’m pretty sure that’s a dead end. The chances of you meeting a guy like that are probably around 1%. 



So how many guys are out there for you? I think that there are plenty of them, and that you meet them on a regular basis, every day. But if what I just said is true, then why are there so many single people, and why are we constantly looking for love instead of just taking it in, since it’s out there? I believe this happens for a few reasons. 


One of them I mentioned before – we just create a fantasy that we start to believe in, and we don’t even notice who’s around us. If someone doesn’t fit our image, we just simply reject them. (I’m speaking from my own experience; many years of experience, which spans decades now.) 


Sometimes, you’re just not ready. I had a year like that (a year or two ago) that I just wasn’t ready – I knew my mind was occupied with many other things and I’m wasn’t able to focus on another person. I knew I wasn’t able to give anything. There was no space in my head - not to mention my heart - for a guy, and I was honest about it. I didn’t even bother to think about them.


The other reason - and it’s my recent discovery - is that we want love, but we either don’t want to admit it or we are not truly open to it. What do I mean by that? We won’t say out loud – “I want love.” We might say, “I want to start dating” or even “I’m ready for a boyfriend,” but we rarely say this pretty vulnerable sentence: “I just want love in my life.” And I believe it takes a lot of courage to admit that this is something that’s missing in your life (especially given that we live in the era of online dating, where random sex is a usual, daily habit and love has suddenly become a shameful thing). But once you do it, you’ll feel a huge burden lifted from your shoulders. You’ll feel lighter and more true to yourself. (I’ve just experienced this amazing feeling.) 


And sometimes we’re not truly open to love, even if we say we are. We’re open only to love that we’ve imagined in our head. Again – a bubble that we’ve created (and again – my own example). Two years ago, I made a list of ten traits I want my future guy to have. One of them was “open minded,” and I just realized (two weeks ago) that I wasn’t open minded myself. I wanted a guy, but then I also wanted him to have a “certain look,” a “certain nationality,” “certain goals,” etc. Was that fair, given that I expected him to be open minded? Not really. I think we have to finally be honest with ourselves. If you feel lonely and want love in your life – just admit it. You don’t have to do a separate Facebook post about it; just admit it to yourself. And if you have certain expectations towards a guy, make sure you can deliver on them, too. But most importantly – be just open. Love is really everywhere. Sometimes it doesn’t need “luck,” it just needs you to pay attentionLook around, and don’t judge guys too quickly. You wouldn’t like to be judged yourself, right? So don’t make that mistake with someone whose story you haven’t gotten to know yet.

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