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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Where is love?

added: 2018-06-14 , category: It's all about sex


Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (you can’t just go and look for it, you think), but I’ve noticed that it’s a bit less complicated than I’ve always assumed. 



First of all – I don’t believe in this crap that “there is only one person for you.” No, there is not. Don’t believe in it. Because when you start thinking this way, you will close off your mind in a bubble and wait only for this ONE imaginary guy. I said imaginary, because when you believe that your options are limited, you start creating this myth in your head of what he’s supposed to be like. And I’m pretty sure that’s a dead end. The chances of you meeting a guy like that are probably around 1%. 



So how many guys are out there for you? I think that there are plenty of them, and that you meet them on a regular basis, every day. But if what I just said is true, then why are there so many single people, and why are we constantly looking for love instead of just taking it in, since it’s out there? I believe this happens for a few reasons. 


One of them I mentioned before – we just create a fantasy that we start to believe in, and we don’t even notice who’s around us. If someone doesn’t fit our image, we just simply reject them. (I’m speaking from my own experience; many years of experience, which spans decades now.) 


Sometimes, you’re just not ready. I had a year like that (a year or two ago) that I just wasn’t ready – I knew my mind was occupied with many other things and I’m wasn’t able to focus on another person. I knew I wasn’t able to give anything. There was no space in my head - not to mention my heart - for a guy, and I was honest about it. I didn’t even bother to think about them.


The other reason - and it’s my recent discovery - is that we want love, but we either don’t want to admit it or we are not truly open to it. What do I mean by that? We won’t say out loud – “I want love.” We might say, “I want to start dating” or even “I’m ready for a boyfriend,” but we rarely say this pretty vulnerable sentence: “I just want love in my life.” And I believe it takes a lot of courage to admit that this is something that’s missing in your life (especially given that we live in the era of online dating, where random sex is a usual, daily habit and love has suddenly become a shameful thing). But once you do it, you’ll feel a huge burden lifted from your shoulders. You’ll feel lighter and more true to yourself. (I’ve just experienced this amazing feeling.) 


And sometimes we’re not truly open to love, even if we say we are. We’re open only to love that we’ve imagined in our head. Again – a bubble that we’ve created (and again – my own example). Two years ago, I made a list of ten traits I want my future guy to have. One of them was “open minded,” and I just realized (two weeks ago) that I wasn’t open minded myself. I wanted a guy, but then I also wanted him to have a “certain look,” a “certain nationality,” “certain goals,” etc. Was that fair, given that I expected him to be open minded? Not really. I think we have to finally be honest with ourselves. If you feel lonely and want love in your life – just admit it. You don’t have to do a separate Facebook post about it; just admit it to yourself. And if you have certain expectations towards a guy, make sure you can deliver on them, too. But most importantly – be just open. Love is really everywhere. Sometimes it doesn’t need “luck,” it just needs you to pay attentionLook around, and don’t judge guys too quickly. You wouldn’t like to be judged yourself, right? So don’t make that mistake with someone whose story you haven’t gotten to know yet.

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