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justlikeny@gmail.com

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What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

How I Decided To Give Up This Beauty Race
It happens that I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Upper East Side recently, and must say one thing – there are a lot of fake faces out there. And it really annoys ...

Where Are You From?...Who Cares?
I can’t believe I have to write about this again, but it just bothers me so much, so here we go. Racism is alive and homophobia is alive, and if you think differently, you’re delusional&...

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
  There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Should I Dump Him?

added: 2018-05-11 , category: It's all about sex

I was just sitting in the sauna at my gym last week, and I couldn’t help but overheard the conversation of two women around my age (even though I was trying very hard to focus on the guys in speedos who were swimming). They were talking about their relationships, and both of them were really unhappy. One said that she just discovered that everything in her relationship is just one big lie (she caught him lying about a job promotion among other things).  The other one said that her relationship just doesn’t make her happy – apparently he hasn’t been working for a while and she’s been paying for everything (she just met with a friend and gave her her boyfriend’s resume, because this friend “knows people,” apparently). She also mentioned that she just doesn’t believe what he says about his past marriage, and the reasons it ended. Both have been in these relationships for at least four years. I really was tempted to start talking to them and ask them one simple question – why are you holding on to something that makes you so unhappy? But I didn’t, because it wasn’t my business. They were both smart and very reasonable, and the funny part is that they both advised each other to end the relationship (and there weren’t many differences between their situations). I decided to shut up, because I didn’t know the whole story and also because they knew what was going on a lot better than I did. They were both very clear about their relationships, and they knew what wasn’t working. They didn’t need my interjection: “Hey, you should break up.” They knew that. So why are we 30-something women - in 2018, with great educations - still stuck in relationships that don’t even make sense? The answer might be as simple as – because we’re afraid to be alone, which is scary, or we’re just afraid that “we won’t find anyone else,” which is equally scary. Or maybe we’re “waiting for him to change” (my favorite expression). There was this moment during this conversation when one woman said something about her guy and the other asked her, “Did you tell him that?” and she responded, “No”. A few minutes later the second one said something about her guy and the other one asked her the same question, and she also responded, “No”. So now it’s my question: “Why didn’t you tell him that?” And if you answer, “There’s just no point, he won’t listen,” why would you even bother staying with this guy? For me, this whole thing makes no sense. He makes you miserable, you talk about it, and if nothing changes you have to decide what should be your next step. What’s so difficult about that? How do you want him to change if you don’t speak up?
I swear, this completely makes no sense. Does it? Or maybe I’ve gotten stupid. No, I’m kidding, I haven’t. I’ve written about it on Just Like NY several times already, but I will write it one more time – work on yourself so you know how worthy you are. If you truly love yourself and take care of yourself, you won’t let a situation like that happen. Why? Because your love for yourself will be so strong that you won’t let anyone hurt the person you love. That’s you, yourself. You won’t suffer to make someone else happy, and you won’t agree to things that don’t serve you.  It won’t even be an option. When I used to say to my friends that I would never agree to certain things, they always responded, “You will see, that’s easy to say.” No, it’s easy to say no, people. In my mind, it’s really simple. My closest friends now know for certain that I would never do anything that is against my will and my heart. There is no need to settle for something less than what you truly want. There are thousands of guys out there, and a vast majority of them are good and will love you the way you are and want to build a real relationship with you. A relationship based on pretending is not real. And it’s definitely not worth debating about. There is nothing to talk about. It’s just a waste of your time, and what’s worse, your life. You’re afraid that you’ll end up alone? Oh come on, you’re smarter than that. 



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