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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Double Standard – Why Are Women Treated Differently?

added: 2018-03-06 , category: It's all about sex

 

I had a situation that I wrote about on Facebook, but I want to write more about it, because there is more to it

 


 

So there was a guy, a customer of mine who I had met maybe three times, who came in one day and suddenly started saying that women in NY are demanding and asking me where specifically I plan to meet guys. When I said maybe at work or at the gym, he asked me out of the blue why I wouldn’t go out with him. He caught me by surprise – he knew I was single and open to dating, so I couldn’t suddenly say, “I’m busy” or “I don’t want a guy in my life.” I said no, and when he asked me why I was so brutally honest, I said that I had to feel something towards a guy to go out with him (any kind of interest, desire, curiosity) and that in his case I didn’t feel any of those things. I added that I like younger guys (which is true, but it doesn’t mean I don’t like older guys, too). This apparently offended him, and he said that I want a “boy-toy,” that I want to be a “cougar” and that I want to “pay his way.” 

 


 

This was all hilarious to me at the time – it wasn’t my problem that he got offended – but then I started thinking. I realized thaevery time I say that I like younger guys or that I’m not sure if I’m actually looking for anyone and want to take advantage of living in NY (an ocean of beautiful guys), I get attacked by men. These men are always older than me (the one who asked me out is 18 years my senior!), they themselves are looking for a younger girl and are still single. And when I, not a twenty-something year old girl, but a thirty-something year woman, say something like that, they just find me naïve for thinking I can find someone like that! That’s offensive! And that’s what I call a double standard! I’m in good shape, I’m pretty and I’m smart - why the fuck do they think I can’t have whomever I want to have? I have as much of a chance as they have and as the younger girls have. There are guys who like older women, there are guys who like younger women (and for whom I’m the younger one), there are guys who would trade my youthful approach to life over a grumpy approach that some younger girls have. There are simply no rules for that! There are no rules for attraction, love, desire and relationships. 

 


 

Sometimes I’ll see a couple and wonder – how did it happened? This is how it happened – attraction doesn’t have a specific target, it doesn’t have a pattern that you can follow. Sometimes I’m surprised by whom I’m attracted to (and it’s not always a hot blond surfer). There is no one “symbol of beauty” - everyone is looking for something different. That’s why you’re often surprised by some couples you see. She/he might not be the most attractive person in the world, but for some reason is the most attractive person to this girl/guy, just because they have something they’re looking for. For me, confidence is what makes me interested (face not that much, although I do like pretty faces), and what turns me off is stupidity – no matter how hot you are, if you’re stupid we’re done. I would NEVER let anyone doubt my value or my attractiveness just because of my age! What century do you think we live in? If you’re not married by 30, that’s it for you? Oh boy, you’d be surprised how many looks I get from guys (of all different ages). I would bet money that if I went to a bar tonight, I could leave with a guy (a younger one, too) if I wanted to. It’s really not that complicated. I’m sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant in Brooklyn right now and I’ve already exchanged a few looks with some guys. 

 


Women, believe me – it’s not about your age so PLEASE don’t ever let any guy bash you because of it. The truth is that you can have whomever you want to have – if they’re looking for something you have. If you get turned down, it’s not because you’re not good enough or slim enough (90% of women would think it’s because of their body), it’s just because he was looking for someone different (he might even end up with someone bigger than or not as pretty as you). And it’s also not because you’re too old and you’re not in your twenties anymore. That’s  bullshit. This is how men put down women, and I’m so sick of this double standard. I live in NY – the capital of “be who you want to be” - and it still happens! But I won’t be silent anymore. I’m ready to fight back and make a guy feel embarrassed and ashamed (I’m capable of doing it). Watch me.



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