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It’s All About Priorities
I know a guy in NY who doesn’t like to spend money on a cup of coffee. He doesn’t understand why anyone would spend $6 on a cup of coffee when you can pay $15 for a whole bag. But at the...

“The Top Five Regrets of Dying” - Regret Number One
This is a continuation of my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “The Top Five Regrets of Dying,” this being the last one. I wrote about Regret Numbers Five, Four, Three and Two here. Regr...

Love is Born
I watched “A Star is born” recently and can’t stop thinking about this movie.  It’s a story that has been told in Hollywood many times already: that of a seasoned mus...

Just Like NY on UrbanCreativiti-tea.com!
I'm happy to have a guest apperance on Urban Creativi-tea! Thank you for having me! It's an honor!  If you're looking for any (fashion) inspiration check them out http://urbancreativi-tea.c...

“The Top Five Regrets of Dying” - Regret Number Two
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware “The Top Five Regrets of Dying”, I wrote about regret number five here, four here and three here. The second regret is - I wish I hadn’t...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Three
  I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret number five and four hereand here. The third regret is: &bdquo...

NY Through My Eyes - West Village, October 2018
I started my You Tube series "NY Through My Eyes". My goal is to explore the most interesting NY neighborhoods. I took off with the West Village. More (and better) to come. I'll be talking a...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here. The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friend...

Color Factory - Wake Up Your Inner Child
The problem with NY is that we have too much of everything. There are so many events every day that sometimes - or most of the time - you just choose…to stay at home. And that’s exactly...

Your Opinion of Me Is None of My Business
Yeah, I know. The second you hear the sentence I chose for the title of this post, it sounds very cocky to you. It sounds like my self-esteem is sky-rocketing and my ego is bursting at the seams. Bu...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Five
For some reason, I’ve kept seeing again the list of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” poping up recently all the time. It’s a list created by Bronnie Ware, based on her best- ...

Step 61 - Forget About “Finding Your Passion”
I’ve already written in Just Like NY about “looking for a passion,” but I have a few new thoughts on the subject.  First of all, forget about this trend of “live yo...

Why Having a Boyfriend Will Not Make You Happy?

added: 2018-02-28 , category: It's all about sex

When I was a teenage girl (that is one week ago… just kidding), my biggest dream was to have a boyfriend. Especially since a weekly column called “Love Story” from “Bravo” teen magazine was telling me week after week that I need one. I was going to bed crying about it and I kept thinking (a lot of thinking was involved) how I can get the one (literally the one – I always had one guy I liked and I would have said “no” to any other guy who wanted to ask me out). When I got older, not much changed – I just got grumpier and less self-confident, ridden with anxieties and complexes. All of which – obviously – was turning guys off and was making me more miserable.

I didn’t believe I could attract anyone that I liked (I mean – this “one guy” that I wanted; the guy changed over years, but the pattern didn’t). Everything changed before I moved to NY. I knew that living in NY is a bigger dream than anything else, so it easily overshadowed “the boyfriend dream”. And it has been almost five years now with my new way of looking at it – and two years with an entirely new mindset. What’s my new mindset about? I just believe that it’s not up to anybody to make me happy. That’s why I don’t believe that having a boyfriend can make you happy. It can make you happier – I would agree with that and I look forward to having someone who will bring extra value to my life, too. But you can’t put your happiness on someone else’s shoulders. Why this person would make you happy? They offer you some attention? They give you validation?

What’s that you’re looking for in a partner? Do you think he or she will take away your insecurities? Here is the thing – I don’t think he or she will. And if suddenly having a partner will change your world, I would think that there was something wrong with your world to start with. If suddenly having this guy next to you finally puts a smile on your face, it means that you didn’t take care of yourself the way you should have. Your job is to make yourself happy. Instead of sitting and thinking “Where is he?”, find your own way towards happiness. But you have to find roots of your unhappiness first. Dig deep, meditate, read, think, go to therapy – find a source of your sadness.

I believe in love. I believe in happy relationships and having your life improved just because a new person came to your life, but I don’t believe in the “I need someone to be happy” philosophy. If you’re not happy by yourself, the chances that you’ll be a happy person in a relationship are not that high. Think about it – if you’re happy only being with someone, that means that you’re miserable by yourself. So what happens when this person suddenly disappears? I noticed that most people jump from one relationship to another, not even giving themselves a few months’ break. Why can’t you be by yourself? What’s wrong with spending some time just with you and your friends? People who are happy with themselves attract other happy people. Miserable people attract miserable people. Which one do you prefer to be…?

Schedule some time with yourself every week – write it in your calendar – and ask yourself a few questions. One of them should be: Am I happy? If not, ask yourself again: What steps should I take to change it? It might turn out that it’s not about having a boyfriend at all. Most of the times we are not even aware of what our real problem is – and that’s the problem in itself. So instead of spending time spying on the guys you like on social media, do this quiz with yourself. Yes, boyfriend can make you happy, but don’t rely on him as your main source of happiness. That’s a big weight to carry and a lot of pressure on him. And if you want to be in a relationship, mind the fact that it’s a two way street – you start being a bit responsible for his smile, too. Where are you going to find a source of that if you can’t find it within? In order to get something from him, you also have to give. What if he expects that you’ll make him happy…? Now, wouldn’t that be a surprise, huh?



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