Twitter Facebook Instagram Szukaj Newsletter Kontakt Wersja polska

About me | My projects | My products | Contact

Contact with me
justlikeny@gmail.com

Zapisz się do newslettera





We all pretend it’s normal…
We all pretend that life in NY is normal. Just today I had the day off, which isn’t usually for a Thursday, and I decided to go to the gym before noon. I got on a train at 10am and...

What If I Told You That You Can Have a Different Life?
I know I will sound very naïve now, but I had a recent revelation I would like to share with you. I started thinking about the choices we make and why we actually make them. Those who have rea...

Poor Rich Kids
I have mentioned money in NYC on Just Like NY a few times already. There is a lot of money here, and people spend lots of it on a variety of weird and stupid things sometimes....

Do You Want To Be Famous?
Because I’ve been living here for almost five years now, I tend to forget what kind of place NYC is. It’s where fantasy keeps meeting reality. The longer you live here, the more “...

Double Standard – Why Are Women Treated Differently?
I had a situation that I wrote about on Facebook, but I want to write more about it, because there is more to it.  So there was a guy, a customer of mine who I had met maybe three times, who&n...

Why Having a Boyfriend Will Not Make You Happy?
When I was a teenage girl (that is one week ago… just kidding), my biggest dream was to have a boyfriend. Especially since a weekly column called “Love Story” from “Bravo&r...

What Happens Once You Stop Caring If People Like You?
What happens once you stop caring if people like you…? It’s simple – your life starts changing. Yes, it’s that huge. One day I realized that it happened to me – that ...

Men and Sex
What is it that men want when it comes to sex…? The thing is: they want to have everything. Including a virgin. That’s the funniest part. I didn’t have a lot of sex in my life (c...

The Most Annoying American Family
I must say, I’m so fed up with these fake images and fake lives that are all over social media now. And there is one family that makes me especially angry. You’ve p...

Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we ge...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)
We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of the...

Stereotypes. Have Enough Class To Not Say Anything
I wrote about stereotypes already, but the longer I live here, the more I see that not much is changing in this matter. Living in NY will help you learn more about other cultures, but it doesn&rsq...

Why Having a Boyfriend Will Not Make You Happy?

added: 2018-02-28 , category: It's all about sex

When I was a teenage girl (that is one week ago… just kidding), my biggest dream was to have a boyfriend. Especially since a weekly column called “Love Story” from “Bravo” teen magazine was telling me week after week that I need one. I was going to bed crying about it and I kept thinking (a lot of thinking was involved) how I can get the one (literally the one – I always had one guy I liked and I would have said “no” to any other guy who wanted to ask me out). When I got older, not much changed – I just got grumpier and less self-confident, ridden with anxieties and complexes. All of which – obviously – was turning guys off and was making me more miserable.

I didn’t believe I could attract anyone that I liked (I mean – this “one guy” that I wanted; the guy changed over years, but the pattern didn’t). Everything changed before I moved to NY. I knew that living in NY is a bigger dream than anything else, so it easily overshadowed “the boyfriend dream”. And it has been almost five years now with my new way of looking at it – and two years with an entirely new mindset. What’s my new mindset about? I just believe that it’s not up to anybody to make me happy. That’s why I don’t believe that having a boyfriend can make you happy. It can make you happier – I would agree with that and I look forward to having someone who will bring extra value to my life, too. But you can’t put your happiness on someone else’s shoulders. Why this person would make you happy? They offer you some attention? They give you validation?

What’s that you’re looking for in a partner? Do you think he or she will take away your insecurities? Here is the thing – I don’t think he or she will. And if suddenly having a partner will change your world, I would think that there was something wrong with your world to start with. If suddenly having this guy next to you finally puts a smile on your face, it means that you didn’t take care of yourself the way you should have. Your job is to make yourself happy. Instead of sitting and thinking “Where is he?”, find your own way towards happiness. But you have to find roots of your unhappiness first. Dig deep, meditate, read, think, go to therapy – find a source of your sadness.

I believe in love. I believe in happy relationships and having your life improved just because a new person came to your life, but I don’t believe in the “I need someone to be happy” philosophy. If you’re not happy by yourself, the chances that you’ll be a happy person in a relationship are not that high. Think about it – if you’re happy only being with someone, that means that you’re miserable by yourself. So what happens when this person suddenly disappears? I noticed that most people jump from one relationship to another, not even giving themselves a few months’ break. Why can’t you be by yourself? What’s wrong with spending some time just with you and your friends? People who are happy with themselves attract other happy people. Miserable people attract miserable people. Which one do you prefer to be…?

Schedule some time with yourself every week – write it in your calendar – and ask yourself a few questions. One of them should be: Am I happy? If not, ask yourself again: What steps should I take to change it? It might turn out that it’s not about having a boyfriend at all. Most of the times we are not even aware of what our real problem is – and that’s the problem in itself. So instead of spending time spying on the guys you like on social media, do this quiz with yourself. Yes, boyfriend can make you happy, but don’t rely on him as your main source of happiness. That’s a big weight to carry and a lot of pressure on him. And if you want to be in a relationship, mind the fact that it’s a two way street – you start being a bit responsible for his smile, too. Where are you going to find a source of that if you can’t find it within? In order to get something from him, you also have to give. What if he expects that you’ll make him happy…? Now, wouldn’t that be a surprise, huh?



Your comments

comments powered by Disqus