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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Why You Shouldn’t Fall In Love Too Quickly

added: 2018-01-28 , category: It's all about sex

I just watched Matthew Hussey’s new video (I wrote about Matthew already on Just Like NY) and I haven’t been watching any recently, but when I saw this title “Four Dangerous Reasons You Fall in Love Too Fast”, I knew it would be something I’d be interested in. And you know why…? Because I believe in being reasonable. And because I’m 35 – and I happen not to believe in falling in love just after one date or five of them (but I do believe in chemistry from the first sight).  

What was said in this video really resonated with me. Women have this tendency to get over-excited about guys. Almost all women do it. They go on a date, they have a good time, they come back… and they start making wedding plans. Where does this tendency come from? I never understood that. A date is a date. It’s supposed to make you feel good, you’re supposed to have a good time, laugh and come back home smiling. But it doesn’t mean there will be another date – not to mention the pretty basic fact that you’re not a couple yet. Marriage is not an option at this stage, you know?

What it’s said in the video is that we create these imaginary situations from great moments that happened to us. Let’s say you spent a delightful time with a guy you like, you had a great date. Good for you. But you know what it means? Only this: that you had a good time. It doesn’t mean that you guys should be together, that you’re a great fit, that he is into you. All it means is this: you had a good date. Still, usually women think that it does mean much more. And for some reason it’s very difficult to explain it to them that it does not. Why would you immediately think that he is the one? Because he gave you some attention for a few hours…?

I don’t want you to think that I’m heartless (well, you can think whatever you want); it’s just that I see things as they are. Just because a guy spent some time with you and said he liked you, it doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be together. It doesn’t mean that he’d be a great partner and that you should fall for him. Girl, you don’t know him. As for me, I can be amazing for a few hours. I can be a girl of a guy’s dreams if I decide so. Don’t forget that everyone can make a great impression, that every guy will be attentive and will give you the best out of him just to impress you. Most of the time we all put on our best colors during the date (I might not actually, I’m mostly just being myself – I don’t want them to be disappointed later on, I just give them a hint of who I am).

As I wrote recently – judge the guy after what he does on a daily basis – if he calls back, if he sets up another date, how well he treats you, does he listen or not, does he make any effort to make some time for you. These are the signs – not the fact that you spent a few good hours together. You might feel like a princess during the dinner, but for the rest of the week you’ll be Cinderella again. Once again – set your standards and, as Matthew says: if he doesn’t give you what you want, you should walk away. A few great moments don’t stand for a great relationship. They just stand for great memories. And this is how you should think of them. Don’t make up things that don’t exist; don’t create some new reality just because it feels right at the moment and if makes you feel tingly inside. Don’t mistake your loneliness for actual attraction. Just because you want to be in a relationship, doesn’t mean the guy who gives you some attention is the one who should get the same attention from you. Take these rose colored glasses off and learn to demand more from guys who want to become a part of your life. 



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