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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman

added: 2018-01-03 , category: It's all about sex

One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things that make a man into a gentleman: 1.Opening the door for you; 2.Saving the last bite for you; 3. Spending time with your family; 4. Suffering through a girly movie; 5. Sending flowers; 6. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk; 7. Kissing you on the forehead; 8. Filling up your gas tank; 9. Putting your jacket on.

That’s all amazing. I value these features (but we could easily skip No. 4, since I would be suffering through a girly movie too; and No. 6, since I wouldn’t even notice that), but there are things I value more. I love gentlemen; I like it when a man is trying to be a knight on a white horse (btw, my friends went to an Indian wedding recently and a groom was riding on an actual white horse) and I do melt when a guy opens door for me (not to mention kissing my forehead…oh), but what I care more about than these gestures are how he treats me on regular basis.

I pay attention to how he speaks to me, if he listens, if he treats me like his partner, if he sees who I really am. Does he want to spend time with me or just finds time when he wants to have sex? Does he value my opinion? Does he give me the same attention I give him? What does he do when he comes home? If he just sits in front of TV and watches some stupid things waiting for me to cook for him? (I can’t even imagine that!). Does he put an extra effort to spend time with me or to organize something that we both can enjoy? Does he treat me with respect?

And most importantly – what does he do when I have a problem? I’m not talking about PMS problems (I can’t handle them myself, so I don’t even expect him to know what to do); I’m talking about emergency, a situation that didn’t go the way we expected it go. Where is his chivalry then…? Is he still kissing me on the forehead? I mean, saving the last bite for me is great, but if he can’t handle an emergency situation without putting me down at the same time, he is not a true gentleman.

A true gentleman is a guy who would always make you feel like a real woman. What does it mean…? Woman needs to feel appreciated, respected and… safe. We need to know that the guy is there for us. That even when we don’t look our best (and we often feel like we don’t), when we fuck something up, he will give us the support we need, without judgment, without yelling at us or showing us “who is the man” (a sure sign of lacking self confidence level hard). We don’t need that. I don’t care if you did send me flowers or helped me put on my jacket yesterday – that is, not if you’re an asshole to me today.

Life is like an ocean that I love and I need someone who will become a harbor – not a storm that causes the waves. We have enough of them every day, with our job, our dreams or goals. The gentleman we need is a guy who doesn’t need to prove his value and his worth all the time. Guys, just do what you have to do – as long as we know that we can always count on you.



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