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NY Through My Eyes - West Village, October 2018
I started my You Tube series "NY Through My Eyes". My goal is to explore the most interesting NY neighborhoods. I took off with the West Village. More (and better) to come. I'll be talking a...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here. The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friend...

Color Factory - Wake Up Your Inner Child
The problem with NY is that we have too much of everything. There are so many events every day that sometimes - or most of the time - you just choose…to stay at home. And that’s exactly...

Your Opinion of Me Is None of My Business
Yeah, I know. The second you hear the sentence I chose for the title of this post, it sounds very cocky to you. It sounds like my self-esteem is sky-rocketing and my ego is bursting at the seams. Bu...

“The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Five
For some reason, I’ve kept seeing again the list of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” poping up recently all the time. It’s a list created by Bronnie Ware, based on her best- ...

Step 61 - Forget About “Finding Your Passion”
I’ve already written in Just Like NY about “looking for a passion,” but I have a few new thoughts on the subject.  First of all, forget about this trend of “live yo...

Just Let Us Be the Woman We Want To Be
I was recently riding the subway and I looked around as I always do (unless I’m around my period and don’t want to look at anyone). I looked at women this time (it rarely happens, but th...

Breathwork with XPT
    I admire and follow many people on social media – always in search for an inspiration – and whenever I see some of them come to NY, I almost jump up to the sky at the pro...

Make Your Own Choice
I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation.  I neve...

What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

How I Decided To Give Up This Beauty Race
It happens that I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Upper East Side recently, and must say one thing – there are a lot of fake faces out there. And it really annoys ...

How to Choose a Partner?

added: 2017-11-24 , category: It's all about sex

There is a problem with choosing the right guy. Namely: when do you know he is, in fact, right? What is the most important factor? Should you make a list and stick to it? Or is it better to go with your gut feeling? What if you like most of his features, but there still is this one that really bothers you… Should it become the reason for you to say “No” to him?

I’ve been thinking about that for many years now and I still haven’t figured out an answer. It changed along with my age. Frankly speaking, my opinion kept reversing every few years. As for now, I think it’s all about you. It’s all about being honest with yourself. As for myself, before I say a “yes” to a guy (to be clear: a “yes” to a relationship), I would ask myself one question: What is it that I need right now…? Not what I needed a few years ago, or what I think I would need in a few years. What is it that I need RIGHT NOW? Every woman is different. Each of us has a different story, different set of needs and expectations, and so it’s very important for us to realize that we don’t want the same things, we don’t have the same experiences with men, we weren’t all treated the same by them. We have to go with our own judgment, with our own story. I need something different than you do – simply because I’m different.

It’s crucial to be honest with yourself. What is it that you need right now from a guy? His money? His acceptance? His support? A cozy home? A lot of traveling? Spending a lot of time at home? Going out a lot? Think about that. Defining your needs is important before you enter any relationship. Before you get excited about a guy, ask yourself if he gives you what you need at this very moment.

I know myself pretty well and I’m honest with myself. The past year I learned to go with my own instincts – it always works. Never underestimate the power of your own intuition. I know what kind of guy I want right now, because I know what I’m missing in my life right now and what I’ve gone through last few years. I just wrote about my needs in my recent post. If we talked two years ago I would have mentioned different things, but because my life changed, I changed, I can’t put up with some things anymore. As my friend likes to say: “That’s it, no more”. That’s why I’m very specific about the guy I want to be with. I know that life can surprise me, but there are a few things that I can’t be flexible about. I just can’t; not at this moment.

And there is also this second question that you should ask yourself. And I believe that it’s equally important: What is that you can offer to a guy now? Can you offer him what he needs, or do you just want to take from him? It’s very important, because relationships go both ways. You have to ask him what is he looking for and ask yourself (and be honest about that) – am I a person he could be happy with? Please be honest, for your own good and his. Have this conversation at the beginning of your relationship. I’m not saying that it won’t change over the years (if it changes over few months, it meant that you weren’t being honest from the very beginning). No one can guarantee you that, no one can predict that – but at least you know you do your best to set this relationship on the right tone.

Before you choose your partner, think first in what moment of your life are you right now and what extra value do you need. Because a new person in your life should bring a new value: something you were lacking before you met them. If he doesn’t bring anything to the table, or if he only makes things worse, then what’s the point starting this relationship anyway…? The answer to this one may be tough, but trust me: it can save you a lot of pain in the ass.



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