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Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
  There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Step 57 - What You Really Need Is A Connection…With Yourself
I lead a life that I didn’t expect to be leading right now. (No, I’m not a princess living in a castle.) Six months ago, I decided not to have internet in my apartment. I have it on my p...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.
I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety o...

Williamsburg Is Over
Summer’s almost here, so I decided to take a walk in Williamsburg, and it just reassured me that… thinks are really over for this neighborhood. I moved to Greenpoint (a sister neighb...

Where is love?
  Love has been on my mind recently (and probably has been unconsciously for a while now) and I started thinking about where to find it. I know it’s a pretty odd thing (...

How to Choose a Partner?

added: 2017-11-24 , category: It's all about sex

There is a problem with choosing the right guy. Namely: when do you know he is, in fact, right? What is the most important factor? Should you make a list and stick to it? Or is it better to go with your gut feeling? What if you like most of his features, but there still is this one that really bothers you… Should it become the reason for you to say “No” to him?

I’ve been thinking about that for many years now and I still haven’t figured out an answer. It changed along with my age. Frankly speaking, my opinion kept reversing every few years. As for now, I think it’s all about you. It’s all about being honest with yourself. As for myself, before I say a “yes” to a guy (to be clear: a “yes” to a relationship), I would ask myself one question: What is it that I need right now…? Not what I needed a few years ago, or what I think I would need in a few years. What is it that I need RIGHT NOW? Every woman is different. Each of us has a different story, different set of needs and expectations, and so it’s very important for us to realize that we don’t want the same things, we don’t have the same experiences with men, we weren’t all treated the same by them. We have to go with our own judgment, with our own story. I need something different than you do – simply because I’m different.

It’s crucial to be honest with yourself. What is it that you need right now from a guy? His money? His acceptance? His support? A cozy home? A lot of traveling? Spending a lot of time at home? Going out a lot? Think about that. Defining your needs is important before you enter any relationship. Before you get excited about a guy, ask yourself if he gives you what you need at this very moment.

I know myself pretty well and I’m honest with myself. The past year I learned to go with my own instincts – it always works. Never underestimate the power of your own intuition. I know what kind of guy I want right now, because I know what I’m missing in my life right now and what I’ve gone through last few years. I just wrote about my needs in my recent post. If we talked two years ago I would have mentioned different things, but because my life changed, I changed, I can’t put up with some things anymore. As my friend likes to say: “That’s it, no more”. That’s why I’m very specific about the guy I want to be with. I know that life can surprise me, but there are a few things that I can’t be flexible about. I just can’t; not at this moment.

And there is also this second question that you should ask yourself. And I believe that it’s equally important: What is that you can offer to a guy now? Can you offer him what he needs, or do you just want to take from him? It’s very important, because relationships go both ways. You have to ask him what is he looking for and ask yourself (and be honest about that) – am I a person he could be happy with? Please be honest, for your own good and his. Have this conversation at the beginning of your relationship. I’m not saying that it won’t change over the years (if it changes over few months, it meant that you weren’t being honest from the very beginning). No one can guarantee you that, no one can predict that – but at least you know you do your best to set this relationship on the right tone.

Before you choose your partner, think first in what moment of your life are you right now and what extra value do you need. Because a new person in your life should bring a new value: something you were lacking before you met them. If he doesn’t bring anything to the table, or if he only makes things worse, then what’s the point starting this relationship anyway…? The answer to this one may be tough, but trust me: it can save you a lot of pain in the ass.

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