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Step 51 - What Should Be Your Main 2018 Goal?
Some people hesitate to set any New Year goals and resolution for themselves; they just find them stupid. I can understand that. But then some others – like me – take them seriously, be...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves
Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, wha...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?
My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to di...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman
One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things t...

How do I conquer fear?
Fear rules our lives, whether you want to admit it or not. All of your decisions are based on fear. All of your choices are rooted in your fears. You don’t apply for a j...

Step 51- What does it take for you to understand what it’s all about?
I just finished Tim Ferriss’ book, “Tribe of Mentors,” and one of the people featured in his book is a woman named Turia Pitt. I haven’t looked up every p...

Step 50 - Slow Down (Daga). Speed Detox
I just had a few days off. And I was so excited about these days off that I have been coming up with different ideas on how to spend them. I had new ideas almost every day before that week finall...

What changed in me after Tony Robbins’ workshops?
  In March 2016, I attended Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power workshops. I wasn’t going to write about it at all, since I didn’t know what people would think, ...

When I know you’re not a New Yorker?
  I think I’m becoming an expert at recognizing real New Yorkers. What do I mean by that? I love watching people, taking notice of their behaviors and habits. That means I watch New Yo...

“I’m Not…”…? I say It’s Bullshit
I think that many people have no idea how important it is to pay attention the words you use. I believe I have written about that on Just Like NY already, but it’s important to keep talking abo...

Body – dangerous field
This is a difficult topic, but I still want to write about it: body and body image. We all know how the media treats our bodies and what kind of body image is presented to us. I’ve written about...

Step 49 - What’s Your Next Step After You’ve Failed?
My spinning instructor keeps saying: “It’s not important what you do when you’re strong; the most important thing is what you do when you have no strength at all”. And every...

How to Choose a Partner?

added: 2017-11-24 , category: It's all about sex

There is a problem with choosing the right guy. Namely: when do you know he is, in fact, right? What is the most important factor? Should you make a list and stick to it? Or is it better to go with your gut feeling? What if you like most of his features, but there still is this one that really bothers you… Should it become the reason for you to say “No” to him?

I’ve been thinking about that for many years now and I still haven’t figured out an answer. It changed along with my age. Frankly speaking, my opinion kept reversing every few years. As for now, I think it’s all about you. It’s all about being honest with yourself. As for myself, before I say a “yes” to a guy (to be clear: a “yes” to a relationship), I would ask myself one question: What is it that I need right now…? Not what I needed a few years ago, or what I think I would need in a few years. What is it that I need RIGHT NOW? Every woman is different. Each of us has a different story, different set of needs and expectations, and so it’s very important for us to realize that we don’t want the same things, we don’t have the same experiences with men, we weren’t all treated the same by them. We have to go with our own judgment, with our own story. I need something different than you do – simply because I’m different.

It’s crucial to be honest with yourself. What is it that you need right now from a guy? His money? His acceptance? His support? A cozy home? A lot of traveling? Spending a lot of time at home? Going out a lot? Think about that. Defining your needs is important before you enter any relationship. Before you get excited about a guy, ask yourself if he gives you what you need at this very moment.

I know myself pretty well and I’m honest with myself. The past year I learned to go with my own instincts – it always works. Never underestimate the power of your own intuition. I know what kind of guy I want right now, because I know what I’m missing in my life right now and what I’ve gone through last few years. I just wrote about my needs in my recent post. If we talked two years ago I would have mentioned different things, but because my life changed, I changed, I can’t put up with some things anymore. As my friend likes to say: “That’s it, no more”. That’s why I’m very specific about the guy I want to be with. I know that life can surprise me, but there are a few things that I can’t be flexible about. I just can’t; not at this moment.

And there is also this second question that you should ask yourself. And I believe that it’s equally important: What is that you can offer to a guy now? Can you offer him what he needs, or do you just want to take from him? It’s very important, because relationships go both ways. You have to ask him what is he looking for and ask yourself (and be honest about that) – am I a person he could be happy with? Please be honest, for your own good and his. Have this conversation at the beginning of your relationship. I’m not saying that it won’t change over the years (if it changes over few months, it meant that you weren’t being honest from the very beginning). No one can guarantee you that, no one can predict that – but at least you know you do your best to set this relationship on the right tone.

Before you choose your partner, think first in what moment of your life are you right now and what extra value do you need. Because a new person in your life should bring a new value: something you were lacking before you met them. If he doesn’t bring anything to the table, or if he only makes things worse, then what’s the point starting this relationship anyway…? The answer to this one may be tough, but trust me: it can save you a lot of pain in the ass.



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