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Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we ge...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)
We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of the...

Stereotypes. Have Enough Class To Not Say Anything
I wrote about stereotypes already, but the longer I live here, the more I see that not much is changing in this matter. Living in NY will help you learn more about other cultures, but it doesn&rsq...

What’s My Health Plan For 2018?
I want to share with you my health plan for this year. I don’t know if it works out. I will be experimenting and see what would work for me – and what would be the results in December 20...

Americans’ Dirty Secret
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My Jobs in NY
I wrote about jobs in New York already – about how I believe that there is no job that you should be ashamed of. Let me tell you about my job experience here in a bit more detail. As soon as...

Why You Shouldn’t Fall In Love Too Quickly
I just watched Matthew Hussey’s new video (I wrote about Matthew already on Just Like NY) and I haven’t been watching any recently, but when I saw this title “Four Dangerous Reason...

Step 51 - What Should Be Your Main 2018 Goal?
Some people hesitate to set any New Year goals and resolution for themselves; they just find them stupid. I can understand that. But then some others – like me – take them seriously, be...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves
Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, wha...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?
My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to di...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman
One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things t...

How do I conquer fear?
Fear rules our lives, whether you want to admit it or not. All of your decisions are based on fear. All of your choices are rooted in your fears. You don’t apply for a j...

When Is the Right Time To Say No To a Guy?

added: 2017-07-11 , category: It's all about sex

The great thing about getting older is that your brain keeps working better and better. You finally see certain connections occur and you don’t do as many stupid things that end up hurting you. You still do a decent amount of them, but you can take care of yourself a bit better. And I believe that one of these things that help you avoid hurting yourself is just saying NO. Especially when it comes to relationships and sex. I believe that we all do it – we all agree to things we don’t necessary like, especially when we just started dating someone. We like a guy, so we are afraid to say anything that would make us lose him. We’re so scared of rejection, we would agree to just about anything. Sex is usually a complicated matter (which it doesn’t have to be), because we make it that way.  We somehow are afraid to say what we really do and don’t like, even to a partner who we’ve been with for a long time (or maybe especially to a long-term partner).

I met a guy recently and it was the first time in my life when I said No to a few things. They weren’t big things, but this was something that was making me uncomfortable (without revealing too much details – it was about sex). In the past, I used to just do it, afraid he’d be laughing at me or – what’s worst – would think I’m not good enough. But this time I just thought – Hell no, why do I have to agree to something that doesn’t give me any pleasure…? (And sex is supposed to be only about pleasure!). I like sex, the guy is hot, so I definitely want to enjoy it – which is why I thought: “Why not just say something?” I said to myself: “I’m too old for this crap”. And I just said: “No”. And? Nothing bad happened. He listened and never did ask me about that again. And I was so proud of myself – just for defending myself. Because the truth is that you don’t have to say Yes to everything. If he doesn’t like it, or will not respect it, isn’t it better to know that right away…? Why would you want to be with someone who gets offended, because you’re not feeling comfortable with something? Being with someone shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable; it should make you happy. It should make you shine. If it’s not like that – something is not going the right way. You have to be honest about stuff like that – you just have to, for your own sake. If he leaves you after you speak up – fuck him, he wouldn’t be your partner anyway. And if it was just a hook-up – still, not worth it, if he is an asshole, it’s even better that you guys don’t have sex.

Don’t be afraid to protect yourself. Saying No is really liberating and the fact that you don’t like certain things doesn’t make you a weirdo. It’s just who you are and there’s no reason to change it, if you don’t want it. Do what feels right to you.

It took me many years to get to this point. I just like myself too much and I think that I’m worthy of the best things. There’s no reason for me to agree to a situation in which I feel like I’m doing something against my will. And I definitely don’t want to agree on things that don’t make me happy. 



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