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The Bridges of Madison County - A Cautionary Tale
I’ve been coming back to old movies recently and watched one of my favorite movies of all time – “The Bridges of Madison County” with my favorite actress, Meryl Str...

Brooklyn vs. Manhattan
It’s funny how Manhattan and Brooklyn are different, even though they are only a river away. They are actually just one subway stop away (which is a few minutes’ distance). A lot of peop...

Women’s Surf Film Festival
I finally attended Women’s Surf Film Festival that took place at Rockaway Beach Surf Club on the last Friday and Saturday of July. I didn’t see all the movies (they’re mostly short...

Birthday
35 years ago, a miracle happened and I came into this world. And everything changed. I’m kidding. Nothing changed, except for the fact that the world got a bit confused. When I was a little ...

Yelp & Health
If you are running a restaurant business in NYC, you always fear of two things: Health Department and Yelp reviews. Health Department comes to a restaurant once a year and checks everything &ndash...

Racism Is Still Alive
I just had a chance to watch a new movie called “Crown Heights” and I must say it was a really painful screening for me. Had I watched it back in Poland, I would probably look at it as j...

Trends for Life
September just started and brought with it not only Pumpkin Spice Latte (of which I wrote a year ago on Just Like NY), but also some “trends” for this Fall and Winter. And I guess for li...

Step 40 – Do You Always Need To Change?
I keep writing about change and about how important it is to work on yourself in order to become the best version of oneself, but I also believe that there are times that you really shouldn’t ...

The Worst Type of Guy You Should Always Avoid
I recently watched one of Matthew’s Hussey’s videos (I wrote about him on Just Like NY already), and he said a very interesting thing: the most dangerous man for a woman is not a guy who...

Step 39: The Map of Happiness
Do you think that something like a map of happiness really exists…? I believe it does. I just watched an interview (on Impact Theory again; which is the YouTube channel I mentioned you a few ...

NY ID CARD
NY is full of paradoxes, as is the whole United States. You can clearly see it just about every situation when you have to deal with something “official”. Last year, NY mayor De Blassio ...

Step 38 – Don’t give up on this year yet
  We are in the middle of August and that means that over 7 months of this year are gone. But the good news is that 5 of them are still left. It’s almost half of the year! 5 months is roug...

When Is the Right Time To Say No To a Guy?

added: 2017-07-11 , category: It's all about sex

The great thing about getting older is that your brain keeps working better and better. You finally see certain connections occur and you don’t do as many stupid things that end up hurting you. You still do a decent amount of them, but you can take care of yourself a bit better. And I believe that one of these things that help you avoid hurting yourself is just saying NO. Especially when it comes to relationships and sex. I believe that we all do it – we all agree to things we don’t necessary like, especially when we just started dating someone. We like a guy, so we are afraid to say anything that would make us lose him. We’re so scared of rejection, we would agree to just about anything. Sex is usually a complicated matter (which it doesn’t have to be), because we make it that way.  We somehow are afraid to say what we really do and don’t like, even to a partner who we’ve been with for a long time (or maybe especially to a long-term partner).

I met a guy recently and it was the first time in my life when I said No to a few things. They weren’t big things, but this was something that was making me uncomfortable (without revealing too much details – it was about sex). In the past, I used to just do it, afraid he’d be laughing at me or – what’s worst – would think I’m not good enough. But this time I just thought – Hell no, why do I have to agree to something that doesn’t give me any pleasure…? (And sex is supposed to be only about pleasure!). I like sex, the guy is hot, so I definitely want to enjoy it – which is why I thought: “Why not just say something?” I said to myself: “I’m too old for this crap”. And I just said: “No”. And? Nothing bad happened. He listened and never did ask me about that again. And I was so proud of myself – just for defending myself. Because the truth is that you don’t have to say Yes to everything. If he doesn’t like it, or will not respect it, isn’t it better to know that right away…? Why would you want to be with someone who gets offended, because you’re not feeling comfortable with something? Being with someone shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable; it should make you happy. It should make you shine. If it’s not like that – something is not going the right way. You have to be honest about stuff like that – you just have to, for your own sake. If he leaves you after you speak up – fuck him, he wouldn’t be your partner anyway. And if it was just a hook-up – still, not worth it, if he is an asshole, it’s even better that you guys don’t have sex.

Don’t be afraid to protect yourself. Saying No is really liberating and the fact that you don’t like certain things doesn’t make you a weirdo. It’s just who you are and there’s no reason to change it, if you don’t want it. Do what feels right to you.

It took me many years to get to this point. I just like myself too much and I think that I’m worthy of the best things. There’s no reason for me to agree to a situation in which I feel like I’m doing something against my will. And I definitely don’t want to agree on things that don’t make me happy. 



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