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Step 44 - How Do You See Yourself?
photo by http://www.wdkproductions.com/ I wonder what kind of picture of yourself do you have in your own mind? I’m not asking about the one you present to the world, but about the real ...

Walk with me, Part 4 – Nolita
Nolita is right next to Soho and I was thinking of putting these two walks together – and you could do that of course – but there are just too many things to explore in each neighborhood s...

Step 43: Have the Courage to Stand Alone
Photo by wdkproductions.com I heard this sentence: “Have the courage to stand alone”, spoken by Brene Brown in a conversation with Marie Forleo a few weeks ago, and it keeps ringing in ...

Walk with Me, Part 3 – Soho
  Soho is one of my favorite places in NY. And it’s not because of the fancy stores (I don’t have the desire to buy a Chanel bag, I want someone to give me that bag for free.) It's...

Step 42 – How do we not go crazy?
It’s very easy to go crazy in NY. It’s way too easy. That’s why at some point, you have to slow down and ask yourself how your mind is doing. There are a few different ways I ...

Step 41 – Close the Open Tabs
I recently noticed that everyone, including myself, says, “OMG, this month passed by so fast! Where did the time go?” And I feel that every year we say it more often. Have you noticed th...

The Bridges of Madison County - A Cautionary Tale
I’ve been coming back to old movies recently and watched one of my favorite movies of all time – “The Bridges of Madison County” with my favorite actress, Meryl Str...

Brooklyn vs. Manhattan
It’s funny how Manhattan and Brooklyn are different, even though they are only a river away. They are actually just one subway stop away (which is a few minutes’ distance). A lot of peop...

Women’s Surf Film Festival
I finally attended Women’s Surf Film Festival that took place at Rockaway Beach Surf Club on the last Friday and Saturday of July. I didn’t see all the movies (they’re mostly short...

Birthday
35 years ago, a miracle happened and I came into this world. And everything changed. I’m kidding. Nothing changed, except for the fact that the world got a bit confused. When I was a little ...

Yelp & Health
If you are running a restaurant business in NYC, you always fear of two things: Health Department and Yelp reviews. Health Department comes to a restaurant once a year and checks everything &ndash...

Racism Is Still Alive
I just had a chance to watch a new movie called “Crown Heights” and I must say it was a really painful screening for me. Had I watched it back in Poland, I would probably look at it as j...

Pay Attention to the Signs

added: 2016-11-24 , category: It's all about sex

I discovered one thing recently, and it really made me think. I work in an environment in which a rotation of people is high, so we hire new people constantly. It took me two years to make one observation – whatever a new person will be doing in the first week or two, they’ll keep doing it all the time. Let’s say someone was late during the first week. I immediately know this person will be showing up late very often, or always; if someone confused the hour or a day of their training, I know that they will be always confusing something, or will be finding different excuses for not coming on time. If someone is working a lot and is very attentive, they will most likely stay this way; if someone is a bit lazy, I will always have problems with them doing their job quickly. If someone complains in the first week, they will be bitching about everything from then on. And so on, and so forth. It’s just how it is. It rarely gets better, and it usually gets worse (exceptions are rare). I never had an experience with anyone who went the other way round. The pattern is very clear.

I observed this thing at work, but suddenly it occurs to me that there’s a very valuable life lesson to be learned here, too. You can find the same patterns in life in general, especially when you think of relationships.

We all know the dumb mantra people repeat every now and then: “Maybe he will change”. Only recently, I really understood that not only he will not change (I knew this already), but you know exactly who are you dealing with after the first few weeks. No matter how much you try to be this “perfect person” during this very first period of your relationship, your character shows right away. In other words – you know who are you dealing with after two weeks, so don’t be surprised after a while that “You thought he was different”. He tells you right away that he’s a home boy, so he suddenly doesn’t go out with you constantly; his favorite hobby is playing video games, so he suddenly will not stop playing them; he drinks a lot, so it’s not like he suddenly start drinking only green smoothies; he changed his job 5 times in the last year, so clearly something is wrong; he’s constantly working, so he won’t cut it right away in order to have more fun with you.

Now, it’s your turn. You should react and tell him what it is that you expect from a relationship and be consistent in executing that – and if he doesn’t want to play along, you have to ask yourself a simple question: Will this relationship make me happy? You know yourself. You know this gut feeling that you get, the one you try to mute so often. You know when your body sends you some red flags, but you refuse to listen to them. Sometimes (and I completely get it, I do it too), you give him a benefit of a doubt, which is very kind of you. But the question remains: what if some things will just keep coming back? How many new excuses can you find for him before you come to your senses?

I just had this conversation with myself and I promised myself that not only I will trust my gut from now on, but I will also pay attention to all the signs I’m getting – especially the small ones, because they have this tendency to reappear and get bigger. Pretending that they don’t exist is just harming yourself. It’s really better to cut someone off before it’s too late to save yourself. So keep your heart open, but don’t forget to open your eyes and stay honest about what you see in front of you. The signs are all there; all you need to do is read them.



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