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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.

added: 2019-01-15 , category: Transform Yourself

It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’t judge someone by the chapter in which you walked into their life. 


Don’t believe everything you see. Don’t believe every post you see on social media. I recently realized that half of the things I see are just fake. There is a lot of pretending and hiding out there. And sometimes it’s not even those people’s faults – they’re just not aware that they do it or have no idea how not to do it. 


So, don’t be so quick to judge. You never know what’s going on in other people’s lives. I assure you - you have NO CLUE. I noticed that I can’t even tell with my closest friends. And it’s not because they’re lying to me – things are just complicated, life is complicated and sometimes we, ourselves, just can’t make sense of it. So let’s not expect that others will, either. 


What I want to ask you for is – be kinder to others. I know, sometimes you want to yell back at them, say something to hurt them (since they hurt you), but just take a deep breath and be more understandingThey yelled at you because they don’t like themselves; their parents are going through a crisis; they just lost their job; they’re in love with someone who doesn’t show any interest in them; they’re lonely; they’re abused; they’re hurt by their family or their partner; they just found out they’re sick. You just don’t know. 


We look at someone’s lives and have opinions right away. Let’s look at me, for example, I don't know what you think of me, whatever that is that you think of my single life remember: just because someone is single, childless and lives in NYC (the holy grail of cities) doesn’t make it a fairy tale. The situation is that I don’t have a job now, the place I was working at shut down (they gave me no warning and three days notice) just before Christmas. It was a coffee shop that I liked, but it wasn’t the job of my dreams (but it was a job nonetheless). I was offered something instead (poor deal) and my former customer offered me a job at his friend’s place (also a coffee shop), but I said no. It’s time to leave my comfort zone and do things I’m supposed to do. Will I succeed? I have no idea. All I have is faith in myself and supportive friends. I just strongly believe that that’s my path and that’s the reason I came into this world. And the peace inside of me that I’ve never felt before is my only confirmation. And I would be lying if I said that I’m not happy; I can even say – in all honesty – that I’ve never been happier in my life, but it doesn’t mean my life is easy and breezy. And I’m writing it not to complain or to ask you to understand me. I wrote already in my previous posts: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” And I’m saying it in the most respectful way (read that post before you judge me).


But this post is not about me. It’s about you. Before you develop, or – what’s worst – express an opinion about someone’s life, just take a moment, stop and ask. And give this person a gentle card. I’ve learned in the past year that people are going through things we can’t even imagine. Everyone has their own journey and you should respect that. You don’t have to understand it, and most likely, you even won’t. All you can do – and I hope you’ll do it – is to respect that. And treat others the way you want to be treated.



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