Facebook Instagram Szukaj Kontakt Wersja polska

About me | My projects | My products | Contact

Contact with me
justlikeny@gmail.com

Zapisz się do newslettera





Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 63 - It’s All About Priorities

added: 2018-11-09 , category: Transform Yourself

I know a guy in NY who doesn’t like to spend money on a cup of coffee. He doesn’t understand why anyone would spend $6 on a cup of coffee when you can pay $15 for a whole bag. But at the same time, he has five very expensive bikes that he keeps in a separate room in his expensive apartment in Manhattan. And he never questioned those purchases. On the other hand, there are people here who would spend $6 on a cup of coffee, but they’re fine with one $20 bike.


Examples like that made me think. And I came to this conclusion: I don’t think you should explain your choices to anyone anymore. Because I recently realized that most of the people I talk to look at me mostly through the lens of… themselves (which is pretty obvious when you think of it; I probably still do the same with them). And every time you say something about your life or your specific decision, they start thinking about it through their situation, their beliefs, standards and priorities. And it all starts with small things - like choosing a coffee or a bag, and ends with big ones: what kind of place do you live in / what’s your job / what would you want to do with your body after you die, etc.


So if you say: “I just bought a $5,000 bag”, you will get different reactions depending on who are you talking to. Some will say: “Oh lord, I would never spend that much money on a bag!” (thinking of their income/ attitude towards fashion/ expenses that are ahead of them/ debt they’re in). Some will say: “That’s a bargain!” (thinking of the fact that they spend way more on similar stuff on a daily basis / their bank account/ their love towards fashion). You might also get another response: “What?” (from people who didn’t even know that bags can be that expensive) or “Really?” (from people who completely don’t understand a need for a bag that costs more than $20). Or you could get a “Lucky you” (from those who dream of affording stuff like that), or perhaps: “Bitch!” (from those who think that it might take them years to buy something like that). Each of them, before they expressed their feelings towards that purchase, went through their situation in their head first, and they judged you through their current situation. And I’m talking only about a bag. And it happens with every choice in your life.


If I say: “I broke up with Chris”, I would get mixed reactions too. From: “Good for you, girl!” to “Are you fucking crazy?”, because people look at Chris and the way he treated me from the perspective of their relationships, the way they’re treated by their partner, their standards and their needs. For someone he was an angel, because he didn’t beat me up, didn’t do drugs and brought money home. For some other people he was a loser, because he didn’t get the promotion, he had the same car for the last 20 years and he wasn’t that good looking on the top of that (btw - I’ve never been with Chris:) Reaction depends on what my friends had gone through. 


After I started noticing that, I told myself that there is no point in explaining my choices anymore. Because the chances that someone is going through the same things I am, have similar needs and beliefs are so very little. And the chances that they’d not get me anyway are just huge. And it’s not entirely their fault. We just have a different belief system and different mindsets. I was talking to a guy not long time ago and he questioned my choice that was very important and difficult to me and it’s the first time in my life when I thought: “How dare you judge me? How dare you question my decision?”. I remember thinking: You’re not me, you didn’t have my life, we didn’t go through the same things (we clearly didn’t), so what makes you think that you have the right to say things like that? I won’t change my mind because YOU would do it differently. It’s YOU (with your core of beliefs), not ME. YOU. So hold on to your standards and I will stick to mine.  I’m not that stubborn anymore so I might change my mind about something, but it’ll be only because MINE mindset /standards/ life changed, not because someone would do it differently. I won’t question my choice just because they didn’t like it.

 

As I said at the beginning: it all comes down to our priorities. We all make our choices and look at each other through our own priorities. So don’t get confused. Don’t confuse someone’s else priorities with yours. And before you make a choice, ask yourself: is it MY decision, or is it a decision I think THEY want me to make.

 


Your comments

comments powered by Disqus