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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Three

added: 2018-10-15 , category: Transform Yourself
 

I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret number five and four hereand here.


The third regret is: „I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings”.


That’s a difficult one. And I believe it’s difficult for many people - far more than we think. Because this regret is, in fact, all about the fear of rejection. 


We’re so afraid to say what we feel! And one of the reasons for that is that we don’t want to make fools of ourselves. And it’s not only about expressing your feelings towards your loved ones (still, that’s the hardest one). It’s about expressing your feelings about everything that’s around you (including your job, environment, friends) and what’s important to you. Saying things out loud requires courage (no question about that) and takes a lot of guts. It’s an act of becoming vulnerable - and usually we’re afraid that our vulnerability will be mistaken for weakness. And the truth is that it’s quite the opposite. Having the courage to say what you feel is a sign of your strength and self-awareness. It also means you’re going after what you care about. 


It was difficult for me, too, but something changed in me at some point. Well, the fact is: I put a lot of work into it the past few years. And I’m not afraid anymore. I might be wrong, but I do believe that chance comes from deep within oneself. I believe that once you’re comfortable with yourself - with the person you’ve becoming - it’s easier for you to express yourself. The fear of rejection is not that overpowering anymore. The way I see it is, the more you accept and love yourself, the more you care about yourself. And that means that you finally know what and who you want to be around. That gives you strength to say the things you feel.


When you think of that - what’s the worst that could happen if you express your emotions…? Ok, you might be misunderstood, you might be taken as needy, you might be - as I said before - rejected. Or laughed at. And it all hurts. But you know what hurts even more…? The awareness that you acted against yourself; the fact that you didn’t stay true to yourself and that you didn’t say important words to someone you cared about. Is the feeling of being misunderstood really scarier to you than the feeling of having lost an opportunity? I choose taking the risk. Waiting for the right moment is not always the best option. Postponing things, as  if you were to live forever, is not the best action either. As I said a few times on JLNY already: all you have is today. So express yourself today. Because it’s not that tomorrow might not come. It will probably come, but tomorrow might be too late to say the things you should have said yesterday. 




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