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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four

added: 2018-10-11 , category: Transform Yourself

I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here.


The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friends”. I don’t think I can fully sympathize with this point, because since I’m single, I still hang out with my friends a lot. I don’t do it every week, but I do it often (plus we exchange messages all the time). I think that this titular scenario happens when you have your own family and you lose touch with most of your friends (at least my Mom says that this is the case).


Most people think that having a partner will cure everything for them: from overcoming your fears, healing your wounds, attaining your happiness and giving you entertainment. You get a partner and you forget about your friends, because you „don’t need them” anymore (at least this is what you think). Their company is not that necessary anymore, not to mention the fact that now you go out almost exclusively with other couples (and suddenly you are incapable of going out only by yourself; it looks like you and your partner are joined at the hip - that’s the weirdest thing to me, btw). The thing you don’t understand is that you really need your friends, especially when you’re in a relationship. I believe that friendship is the most important set of relationships in your life, because you choose your friends and they choose you based solely on the character, not visual traits. And it’s not about sexual tension, either. Sex is not involved, so it doesn’t mess up with your head. It’s pure love (sometimes hate), understanding, drinking, crying and travel time together. And most of the times - your friends know you better than your partner does. 


I’m writing this, but at the same time I myself am not in touch with many of my old friends. And it’s not that I don’t care, sometimes it’s just the matter of time (it’s physically impossible for me now to stay in touch with everyone). But sometimes it’s about something else, too. 

I’ve written about friends on Just Like NY a few times already (even recently) and I do believe that you become the average of the five people you spend most time with. I recently also read to be careful about whom do you spend your time with, because this person changes you - not other way around. So I choose my friends differently now. Not based on “do we like the same movies”, but if we get the best out of each other. I choose those who inspire me and who also want me to do more. 


I go for quality over quantity.  Remember that you change (at least I hope you do) and some of your friends don’t - or else, they don’t want you to change. So you have to decide. And sometimes you just have to let them go (it’s very difficult, btw). As I said recently - give what you get. And then take care of the friends you’ve chosen. Don’t forget about those who give you love and support. You’ll need each other, so make sure they are on the top of your priority list.

 


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