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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Make Your Own Choice

added: 2018-09-23 , category: Transform Yourself

I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation. 

I never said I was against marriage. I also never said I’m pro marriage. Sometimes I do understand why people want to get married – and sometimes I completely don’t. I learn that everyone has their own reasons and I have to respect them.

But I’m definitely strongly against telling people what to do and I am for them having a choice. The mantra that I’ve been repeating here on Just Like NY is that everyone has a choice. And the choice is also about being or not being married. All I suggest is to sit down and think about it before you say “Yes”. Make your choice while aware of its consequences at the same time. I have no right to tell you if you should get married or not, and also no one has the right to tell me if I should get married. It’s every person’s own, intimate choice. I believe that it isn’t everyone that is suited to be married; that’s my observation and I have the right to have one.

As for today, I can’t picture myself being married and it’s not because I’m single or because I’m afraid of commitment. I love men, but I haven’t met a man whom I can see myself with “till death does us part”. I believe he’s somewhere out there, but we haven’t found each other yet. It might take another year or another decade, or another 36 years. And I’m fine with that. I don’t necessary have to be a wife to feel complete – or loved. And it doesn’t also mean that this is why you got married (if you are married, that is). You had your reasons and whatever these were – I really keep my fingers crossed so that you’re happy (I really do). You did what felt right to you. I do what feels right to me. And that’s the only way we should look at it, and we should live. None of these situations is better or worse. There are pros and cons to both of them. And that’s life. As I said – every choice brings with it a specific set of consequences. I don’t benefit from marriage, you don’t benefit from being single. We made that choice. Maybe being single was a nightmare for you and you couldn’t wait to be married. Good for you! 

If I wanted to change my state, I would tell you; I don’t see any reason to be sneaky about the subject. But I also don’t see any reasons to follow the crowd. Just because “everyone does it” (and, for the record: not everyone does), it doesn’t mean I have to do it, too. And it also doesn’t make it right. I love Steve Jobs’s : “Think different”, but my twist on that is: “Think on your own”. The truth is that some girls get married just because they want to have a wedding and others do because they truly want to spend the rest of their life with that one man. And as I said – whatever the reason is, it’s none of my business and I have to respect that. 

All I’m asking is for you to listen to your heart and not to others. Quiet the noise around you and see what do you (and I mean YOU!) truly want. And don’t be afraid to say “Yes” or “No” to that. That’s it. It’s simple – and very difficult at the same time. 

 


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