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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?

added: 2018-07-26 , category: Transform Yourself

“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with starting new things and changing the old patterns.

Many people think that the most courageous “leaving the comfort zone” acts they can come up with are: (1) quitting their job (2) breaking up with their partners ,or (3) moving to another city or country. I used to believe the same. That was before I realized that you may actually do all these things and still stay in your comfort zone. It turned out that: (1) You may quit your job, but find another one that is equally boring or equally not up your alley as the one you just had; (2) You may leave your partner just to fall for a similar guy or his polar opposite (it doesn’t actually matter) right away; (3) You may leave your country just to end up with your compatriots who think and look the same as you do.

What’s wrong with these pictures…? The first example just shows that you really think that “this particular job” is a problem – not the profession or field you’ve chosen (ask yourself: do you even like it…?). Sometimes you end up in a prettier building, with a bigger paycheck, not noticing that you actually didn’t change that much. The second example shows that instead of giving yourself some time to process how your last relationship changed you and what are the lessons to be learned, you jump onto another guy right away (and the odds that you’ll make the same mistakes are pretty high). Do you even know who you want to be with and what are you able to give…? The third example shows that you don’t truly want to change the country, because being surrounded by the same people doesn’t change anything. You’re not seeking a new experience, you are most likely seeking for more money.

My definition of leaving one’s comfort zone is a bit different. I leave the comfort zone to push myself, to see what I’m made of, what I’m capable of and how am I able to change. So if I leave a job, I make sure the job I find has a completely different boss (if it was the boss who was the problem), or a different set of co-workers, or that it just makes me feel good. I just have to see the change for the better. If my relationship ends, I make sure I spend the following months thinking what didn’t working and who is it that I want to be with. I make sure I set up my standards and will not agree on anything less than that. And if I’m leaving my country, I make sure it’s not just for money. I happen to have left my country looking for a different mindset. I just knew that there were bigger things out there, that there were different ideas, different relationships, religions, and ways of thinking. I made sure I met people who are not like me; people who would question my definitions of life and will help me to understand that life is something more that I was taught. I made sure I met people from different religions, skin colors and backgrounds. I made sure that before I make any assumptions, I would listen and open my mind. It took me a while, but now I see how I changed. I’m not the same person and I couldn’t be happier that I’ve changed so much.

What I’m trying to say is this: my definition of leaving the comfort zone is questioning the things you’ve known so far. My country thought me that there was only one way of living and I knew it was bullshit. The truth is that you can design your own life, exactly the way you want to. You just have to be truly open to new ideas. You have to break free and leave your comfort zone of thinking and realize that there is a different life out there. The only downside I see is that I wouldn’t be able to change if I lived in my country. I had to leave it in order to change. I won’t encourage you to leave your country – most of you don’t even want it – but I will strongly encourage you to start questioning things. Just double check for yourself if the things they’ve been telling you are really true. And if they’re not and you want to change something, find this courage to slowly leave the mindset that doesn’t serve you. Seek for different answers. The more you open yourself, the more you know what’s right for you. And it might turn out that you want a completely different life for yourself.



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