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What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

How I Decided To Give Up This Beauty Race
It happens that I’ve been spending a lot of time on the Upper East Side recently, and must say one thing – there are a lot of fake faces out there. And it really annoys ...

Where Are You From?...Who Cares?
I can’t believe I have to write about this again, but it just bothers me so much, so here we go. Racism is alive and homophobia is alive, and if you think differently, you’re delusional&...

Step 61 - Find Your Lifestyle
As I said in one of my recent posts – the world has changed and the way we live has changed. I honestly think it’s time to reevaluate some ideas and solutions about the life we want to l...

Do you even want to get married?
I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage recently (not about my own), because suddenly I spend a lot of time talking to married guys (just as friends). And I started to come...

What Does It Mean To Be Successful? My Five Years In NYC
It’s been five years since I decided to live in NY. These were five difficult years, and yet ones filled many amazing moments and great people I’ve met along the way. But five years i...

Step 60 - What Does It Really Mean To Leave Your Comfort Zone?
“Leaving the comfort zone” became a very common phrase these past few years. It is associated with the idea of breaking free from the life you’ve had so far – with sta...

Choose Your Own Relationship
I’m single so – naturally – I do think about guys and relationships. I’ve been thinking a lot of what type of a guy would actually make me want to be in a relationship. An...

Step 59 - How Many (Facebook) Friends Do You Need?
  I remember when Facebook first came into our lives, we were all kind of proud of the fact that our friend count was growing. The more there is social media in our lives, th...

Step 58 - Are You Able To Let Your Old Self Go?
I’m lucky enough to have a few friends whom I can share my fears, tears and happy moments with. These are friends with whom I can go through any emotional rollercoaster. It’s very...

What’s The Best Dating Advice?
  There are plenty of advisors on the dating scene – there are videos and articles about every aspect of dating, with all these great pieces of advice: “What to do on a date,&rd...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.

added: 2018-06-28 , category: Transform Yourself

I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety of people.  What do they do when they feel powerless, beyond their comfort zone, not ready to make a change and shift in perception? Have you noticed? They turn it around and get you off the hook. They’ll say: “It’s easier for you to do, because…” and then give you a list of circumstances they think made it easier for you to do, be or accomplish that they would only dream about. “If only I was given what you have, it would be much easier for me to be where you are.” I am so tired of this crap! For years, when I’ve told people that moving to New York is just one decision away, they’d look at me and say: “It’s easy for you to say. Your parents have a business in your hometown in Poland that you can always come back to if things don’t work out here in New York”. Yes, they’re right: it is my parents’ business, not mine, and secondly, if I wanted to work there, I would have stayed in Poland and have a life that’s not quite my own.

I won’t even get into the guilt I had to overcome thinking I am wrong for moving across the ocean to chase my own dreams. Those people don’t see it that way, they only see that I am born with the safety blanket.

I’ve noticed that this is a common response in casual conversations when people realize someone did something they secretly dream they would have done. Why would they react in such way, I ask? Because it is a learnt response and it’s just easier. And more convenient. It doesn’t require to try, to work through and overcome your own fears, boundaries or stereotypes. As soon as they say it, they feel an artificial relief and give themselves permission to stay exactly where they are.

Some justify it by pointing out my strong will as the sole reason for me accomplishing my goal. Strong will is not a super power and I am not quite sure if it even exists. I believe you can train your brain to take certain actions, you can train yourself to change your perception and ultimately change your life. The first step though is to admit to yourself that it is not that you can’t do but that you don’t want do to or are afraid to do. There are thousands of authors, motivational speakers and teachers that will help you do that if you’re ready to do the work.

I bet we all have heard or observed in one way or another, people and maybe even ourselves getting others off the hook without hesitation. “It’s easier for you, because you grew up in this kind of family,” or “it’s easier for you, because you are single and don’t have kids.” If you’re married with kids, however, “it’s easier for you because you’re being supported by your loving husband and you’re never lonely”. And the list goes on and on. Isn’t it funny when we realize that? I don’t even want to get into the fact that most of those assumptions about another person’s situation have barely ever anything to do with the truth, but it is just how we interpret and perceive based on where we are at in our lives.

I want to propose something. Next time you catch yourself falling for yet another excuse, ask yourself this question: if she did it, is it possible for me to do the same? Or better yet, ask her HOW she did it. Ask for specific steps and see if you can copy or use them to create your own plan of action. One of my favorite transformational coaches, Tony Robbins always says: if there is a will, there is a way. If something’s optional, you’ll find an excuse.

Be brave to take responsibility for your life. You can do this!



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