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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 56 - Getting You Off The Hook.

added: 2018-06-28 , category: Transform Yourself

I’ve done some thinking recently and tried to figure out the basic way people come up with an excuse. It’s a broad topic, but I’ve mostly experienced one response from variety of people.  What do they do when they feel powerless, beyond their comfort zone, not ready to make a change and shift in perception? Have you noticed? They turn it around and get you off the hook. They’ll say: “It’s easier for you to do, because…” and then give you a list of circumstances they think made it easier for you to do, be or accomplish that they would only dream about. “If only I was given what you have, it would be much easier for me to be where you are.” I am so tired of this crap! For years, when I’ve told people that moving to New York is just one decision away, they’d look at me and say: “It’s easy for you to say. Your parents have a business in your hometown in Poland that you can always come back to if things don’t work out here in New York”. Yes, they’re right: it is my parents’ business, not mine, and secondly, if I wanted to work there, I would have stayed in Poland and have a life that’s not quite my own.

I won’t even get into the guilt I had to overcome thinking I am wrong for moving across the ocean to chase my own dreams. Those people don’t see it that way, they only see that I am born with the safety blanket.

I’ve noticed that this is a common response in casual conversations when people realize someone did something they secretly dream they would have done. Why would they react in such way, I ask? Because it is a learnt response and it’s just easier. And more convenient. It doesn’t require to try, to work through and overcome your own fears, boundaries or stereotypes. As soon as they say it, they feel an artificial relief and give themselves permission to stay exactly where they are.

Some justify it by pointing out my strong will as the sole reason for me accomplishing my goal. Strong will is not a super power and I am not quite sure if it even exists. I believe you can train your brain to take certain actions, you can train yourself to change your perception and ultimately change your life. The first step though is to admit to yourself that it is not that you can’t do but that you don’t want do to or are afraid to do. There are thousands of authors, motivational speakers and teachers that will help you do that if you’re ready to do the work.

I bet we all have heard or observed in one way or another, people and maybe even ourselves getting others off the hook without hesitation. “It’s easier for you, because you grew up in this kind of family,” or “it’s easier for you, because you are single and don’t have kids.” If you’re married with kids, however, “it’s easier for you because you’re being supported by your loving husband and you’re never lonely”. And the list goes on and on. Isn’t it funny when we realize that? I don’t even want to get into the fact that most of those assumptions about another person’s situation have barely ever anything to do with the truth, but it is just how we interpret and perceive based on where we are at in our lives.

I want to propose something. Next time you catch yourself falling for yet another excuse, ask yourself this question: if she did it, is it possible for me to do the same? Or better yet, ask her HOW she did it. Ask for specific steps and see if you can copy or use them to create your own plan of action. One of my favorite transformational coaches, Tony Robbins always says: if there is a will, there is a way. If something’s optional, you’ll find an excuse.

Be brave to take responsibility for your life. You can do this!



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