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justlikeny@gmail.com

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Don’t judge by the chapter you walked into.
It’s a new year, so I want you to change one thing. I would say “we,” but I’ve already been working on it the last two years (not that I’ve mastered it yet). Don’...

Why Some Women Don’t Want to Have Kids (And Why the Reason Is Not What You Think It Is)
Yes, I want to write about it (again), because it bothers me. I recently realized I don’t want to have kids (now and maybe ever). And I realized how difficult it is for a woman not only to adm...

You’re Fine
2018 has been a very successful year for me, because I finally understand that I’m completely fine. I just look at myself and I finally see myself. It took me half my life to understand it, bu...

It’s Profound to Be Understood
As Whoopi Goldberg said in her book „If He Says: ‚You complete me’ — Run!”, which I’ve already written about on JLNY some time ago, people tend to mistake love fo...

You’re Always Becoming
Michelle Obama released her book memoir, „Becoming”, and I keep seeing it everywhere in NYC. I haven’t read it yet and now I really want to. Not because I consider Barack Obam...

Drop This Attitude
I just had my best friend Gosia visited me from Chicago a few weeks ago. We spent the whole weekend together excited about each other. We did a few activities, but what was the most important was th...

Is Your Partner’s Skin Color or Country of Origin Relevant At All?
I will answer the titular question right away: „I don’t think so”. And I’m pretty sure I am right. I honestly don’t understand this whole theory about having a partner ...

How To Get the Body You Want
Have you ever said to yourself: “I’m so fat”…? Or “I can’t even look at myself”…?. Or “I will never lose all this weight”…? Or &l...

Accept the challenge
Until now, my favorite sentence was always: “Hope he’ll change after we get married.” (Yeah,  sure, into a pumpkin…) But there is a new contender that I find equally ...

NY Love Story A.D. 2019
I don’t like romantic comedies. And I can tell you why. Once, it used to be my favorite genre, but I grew up since then (a bit). Also — I moved to NY. Romantic comedies just don’t ...

When Was the Last Time Your Journal Embarrassed You?
When was the last time you said to yourself: “This is embarrassing”, and you actually meant yourself…? Well, it just happened to me. I sat down to write about something else and I...

Why It’s Important To Not Look Like Shit
Here is my question: Why do you think it’s a good idea to look like shit at home? Some people put on their worst clothes at home - clothes with holes, stretched out, worn out, old and ugly. (B...

Step 54 - What Happens Once You Stop Caring If People Like You?

added: 2018-02-26 , category: Transform Yourself

What happens once you stop caring if people like you…? It’s simple – your life starts changing. Yes, it’s that huge. One day I realized that it happened to me – that I suddenly stopped caring. I don’t know when it happened and how it happened, but one day it hit me. It’s not that I’m completely unware of how it happened – I worked for it. I read, I listen to my favorite YouTube channels (Impact Theory and School of Greatness), have conversations with myself, pay attention to my thoughts, I’m kinder to myself – I just follow these steps I write in my “Transform yourself” section and I accept myself. It’s not easy and it requires self-awareness, but it’s definitely doable and – when you finally get there – it feels amazing.

What do I mean by “not caring”? I do care about people, of course. And I do care what people think about me – especially about my writing – but I just don’t feel the need to be likeable to everyone (or anyone to be exact – except for my close friends) anymore. This process has started some time ago already, but it suddenly hit me – I’m free of the “I want everyone to like me” feeling. It just doesn’t matter to me anymore. And when you’re not dependable on other people’s opinions of you, you set yourself free. Because from now on you start doing exactly what you really want to do.

Here’s the thing: most of the time you think you do what you want to do, but the truth is that it’s not at all like that. You still unconsciously think: “Will people like me once I do that?”. I’m probably still doing it myself, but then I turn this voice off and say: “Ok, but what is it I want to do? I want to write about something that bothers me; I might offend someone’s feelings, but… what about my feelings?” That’s the biggest shift – you put yourself first. And it’s not only about being selfish (and btw I’m pro being selfish); it’s about standing up for yourself and for what truly matters to you. Yes, other people’s feelings matter, but hey – what about your feelings?

To be able to fully express yourself is such a huge privilege and  the funny part is, we all have easy access to that and yet – not many people are taking advantage of it. It’s rarely that anyone does, actually. And why is it important? Because you don’t want to get lost in someone’s else thoughts and their view of life. And this is exactly what happens if you follow what’s “likeable”. So stop doing it. It’s not about what others think anymore, it’s about your voice. Have the courage to not only have your own opinions, but to express them. Stand up for yourself and don’t tremble every time someone tells you that they don’t agree with you. They don’t – and so what…? Does it make you less right? No, you’re still right, you just have different opinions, and that’s perfectly fine. The world in which everyone agrees on the same things doesn’t exist and never will. So if your goal is to satisfy others, you’re on the mission that is a spectacular failure to start with. Your opinion really does matter, simply because it’s yours. Stand up for yourself and don’t let others bully you. Because it is bullying. No one owns the exclusive right to be right. Maybe your opinion is crap and you will soon discover that, but for this moment – own it. You’re as important as everyone else and don’t let anyone tell you that it’s the other way round.  



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