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Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?
I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we ge...

Step 52 - Don’t Assume (Or In Another Words, Don’t Judge)
We’re all guilty of it. We judge. And even if you say or think that you don’t, I have bad news for you – yes, you do. We all classify people based on our knowledge of the...

Stereotypes. Have Enough Class To Not Say Anything
I wrote about stereotypes already, but the longer I live here, the more I see that not much is changing in this matter. Living in NY will help you learn more about other cultures, but it doesn&rsq...

What’s My Health Plan For 2018?
I want to share with you my health plan for this year. I don’t know if it works out. I will be experimenting and see what would work for me – and what would be the results in December 20...

Americans’ Dirty Secret
It’s a very difficult topic, but since I really want to write about it, I’m now taking a risk. I’ve been living here for almost five years – and if I combined that period wit...

My Jobs in NY
I wrote about jobs in New York already – about how I believe that there is no job that you should be ashamed of. Let me tell you about my job experience here in a bit more detail. As soon as...

Why You Shouldn’t Fall In Love Too Quickly
I just watched Matthew Hussey’s new video (I wrote about Matthew already on Just Like NY) and I haven’t been watching any recently, but when I saw this title “Four Dangerous Reason...

Step 51 - What Should Be Your Main 2018 Goal?
Some people hesitate to set any New Year goals and resolution for themselves; they just find them stupid. I can understand that. But then some others – like me – take them seriously, be...

I Can’t Help Women if They Don’t Want to Help Themselves
Ladies, I can’t cope with you. I really can’t, not anymore. I keep hearing women complaining about men. They complain how badly men treat them, how terribly guys behave towards them, wha...

How To Say Goodbye To the Old Year?
My goodbye to the year that has just ended usually takes on a form of a few hour session with myself. What I usually do is I take my list of goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year to di...

What Does It Mean To Be a True Gentleman
One of my male friends sent me an article arguing that chivalry is not dead and that there are true gentlemen out there who would “make us melt”. The article presented us with 9 things t...

How do I conquer fear?
Fear rules our lives, whether you want to admit it or not. All of your decisions are based on fear. All of your choices are rooted in your fears. You don’t apply for a j...

Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?

added: 2018-02-14 , category: Transform Yourself

I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we get trapped in the phrase: “If only I had *this*, I would be happy…”. I used to think along those lines, too, until… I changed my mind. To be specific: until I switched my focus. I can honestly say that I’m very happy right now (even though I haven’t seen my family in more than a couple of years and my job situation is not certain at the moment). I’m happy despite the fact that I don’t have everything I want and my apartment is not quite arranged yet (my friend just gave me his desk! yay!). My money situation is not great (yet), I’m single (which isn’t a problem for me, but seems like a problem to some people) and still… I wake up with a smile. The only things I have are: my vision about the life I want to have, my mission I want to accomplish, and my friends’ support. And that’s it. And that’s enough. When you think of it – it’s a lot already. And this is how I decided to look at my life – focus on what I have and where I am going, instead of what I’m missing right now.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but you will never get to a point in your life in which you’d have everything you want. When you’re single, you think that you’d be happier in a relationship; when you have a partner, you miss that “single freedom to do what you want”; when you have a stable life, you dream of adventures – and when you’re on the road all the time, you want to finally settle down and have your own apartment. When you finally make your mythical “first million”, you want the second one; when you finally get the job with the salary that satisfies you, you realize you want to make more, or you just simply want to work for yourself. THIS THING NEVER ENDS.

Life is designed to make you want more; your brain is designed to constantly crave and give you a hard time. So if you think that there is a day when you’ll feel completely fulfilled, you’re wrong. Forget about it. Fulfillment comes in small doses, in everyday life. It appears in the disguise of a slow morning with your favorite breakfast; as a great conversation with someone you like or just met; as beautiful sunshine; as flowers you pass by on a street. Fulfillment is everywhere, but it’s up to you to notice it. I would say it one more time – I’m not delusional, I’m not naïve, I have difficult days too, but I CHOOSE not to focus on them. I treat them as my lessons and am always thinking – what’s there to learn for me? I NEVER think – Oh, I’m miserable, why does it always happen to me? It’s so stupid and so self-centered to think it only happens to YOU. Get over yourself; it happens to everyone. I’m sorry, but you’re not special. You have a problem? So do other people. Everyone has “a situation”, everyone has something to struggle with. And everyone has the same choice – what to focus on? I don’t agree with a statement “I don’t have a choice” (it used to be my statement, now I see how wrong I was). Sit down and think of it, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that there is always a choice. I don’t say it’s easy, I don’t say it won’t hurt (you or someone you love), but it’s there. It’s not that you don’t have a choice; it’s more that you don’t want to deal with its consequences. Every choice brings a change, and this is what you unconsciously are afraid of. Not making a choice leaves you in a “change free” environment. It doesn’t make you happy, that’s for sure, but at least you don’t have to deal with a new reality. Does it improve your life? Not at all: it comforts you and confirms what you always have thought (“I didn’t have a choice”). And I want to encourage you not only to make the move, but to see a larger picture that is there. If You CHOOSE not to see it, at least don’t say that it wasn’t there in the first place. It was there, you just chose not to take the action that was needed. It’s your turn this time – just as it always has been.



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