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“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Three
  I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret number five and four hereand here. The third regret is: &bdquo...

NY Through My Eyes - West Village, October 2018
I started my You Tube series "NY Through My Eyes". My goal is to explore the most interesting NY neighborhoods. I took off with the West Village. More (and better) to come. I'll be talking a...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Four
I continue my posts about Bronnie Ware’s “Five Top Regrets of the Dying”. I wrote about regret no. 5 here. The fourth regret is: „I wish I stayed in touch with my friend...

Color Factory - Wake Up Your Inner Child
The problem with NY is that we have too much of everything. There are so many events every day that sometimes - or most of the time - you just choose…to stay at home. And that’s exactly...

Your Opinion of Me Is None of My Business
Yeah, I know. The second you hear the sentence I chose for the title of this post, it sounds very cocky to you. It sounds like my self-esteem is sky-rocketing and my ego is bursting at the seams. Bu...

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” - Regret Number Five
For some reason, I’ve kept seeing again the list of “The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying” poping up recently all the time. It’s a list created by Bronnie Ware, based on her best- ...

Step 61 - Forget About “Finding Your Passion”
I’ve already written in Just Like NY about “looking for a passion,” but I have a few new thoughts on the subject.  First of all, forget about this trend of “live yo...

Just Let Us Be the Woman We Want To Be
I was recently riding the subway and I looked around as I always do (unless I’m around my period and don’t want to look at anyone). I looked at women this time (it rarely happens, but th...

Breathwork with XPT
    I admire and follow many people on social media – always in search for an inspiration – and whenever I see some of them come to NY, I almost jump up to the sky at the pro...

Make Your Own Choice
I was recently called out on holding a supposedly strongly stance against marriage. Since it happened twice in one month, I feel like something I said was actually lost in translation.  I neve...

What’s the deal with meditation?
I don’t know what it’s like everywhere else, but here in the US, meditation has become very popular, to the point where companies hire teachers to give...

Give What You Get
A week ago, I got a text message from a guy I went on a date with… a year before. I didn’t expect to hear from him again (which is why I deleted his number), so I was pretty surprised.&...

Step 53 - Do You Have A Choice?

added: 2018-02-14 , category: Transform Yourself

I believe I have already written about what I am about to say in this post, but I’ll be coming back to the subject, because it’s really important. I notice more and more often that we get trapped in the phrase: “If only I had *this*, I would be happy…”. I used to think along those lines, too, until… I changed my mind. To be specific: until I switched my focus. I can honestly say that I’m very happy right now (even though I haven’t seen my family in more than a couple of years and my job situation is not certain at the moment). I’m happy despite the fact that I don’t have everything I want and my apartment is not quite arranged yet (my friend just gave me his desk! yay!). My money situation is not great (yet), I’m single (which isn’t a problem for me, but seems like a problem to some people) and still… I wake up with a smile. The only things I have are: my vision about the life I want to have, my mission I want to accomplish, and my friends’ support. And that’s it. And that’s enough. When you think of it – it’s a lot already. And this is how I decided to look at my life – focus on what I have and where I am going, instead of what I’m missing right now.

I don’t want to disappoint you, but you will never get to a point in your life in which you’d have everything you want. When you’re single, you think that you’d be happier in a relationship; when you have a partner, you miss that “single freedom to do what you want”; when you have a stable life, you dream of adventures – and when you’re on the road all the time, you want to finally settle down and have your own apartment. When you finally make your mythical “first million”, you want the second one; when you finally get the job with the salary that satisfies you, you realize you want to make more, or you just simply want to work for yourself. THIS THING NEVER ENDS.

Life is designed to make you want more; your brain is designed to constantly crave and give you a hard time. So if you think that there is a day when you’ll feel completely fulfilled, you’re wrong. Forget about it. Fulfillment comes in small doses, in everyday life. It appears in the disguise of a slow morning with your favorite breakfast; as a great conversation with someone you like or just met; as beautiful sunshine; as flowers you pass by on a street. Fulfillment is everywhere, but it’s up to you to notice it. I would say it one more time – I’m not delusional, I’m not naïve, I have difficult days too, but I CHOOSE not to focus on them. I treat them as my lessons and am always thinking – what’s there to learn for me? I NEVER think – Oh, I’m miserable, why does it always happen to me? It’s so stupid and so self-centered to think it only happens to YOU. Get over yourself; it happens to everyone. I’m sorry, but you’re not special. You have a problem? So do other people. Everyone has “a situation”, everyone has something to struggle with. And everyone has the same choice – what to focus on? I don’t agree with a statement “I don’t have a choice” (it used to be my statement, now I see how wrong I was). Sit down and think of it, if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that there is always a choice. I don’t say it’s easy, I don’t say it won’t hurt (you or someone you love), but it’s there. It’s not that you don’t have a choice; it’s more that you don’t want to deal with its consequences. Every choice brings a change, and this is what you unconsciously are afraid of. Not making a choice leaves you in a “change free” environment. It doesn’t make you happy, that’s for sure, but at least you don’t have to deal with a new reality. Does it improve your life? Not at all: it comforts you and confirms what you always have thought (“I didn’t have a choice”). And I want to encourage you not only to make the move, but to see a larger picture that is there. If You CHOOSE not to see it, at least don’t say that it wasn’t there in the first place. It was there, you just chose not to take the action that was needed. It’s your turn this time – just as it always has been.



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